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JANE
IMIHt A comedy by S. N.BEHRMAN
Based upon an original story by W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
COPYRIGHT AS AN UNPUBLISHED WORK, 1947,
BY S. N. BEHRMAN AND W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
COPYRIGHT, 1952, BY S. N. BEHRMAN AND
W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED UNDER INTERNATIONAL AND
PAN-AMERICAN COPYRIGHT CONVENTIONS
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOG CARD NUMBER: 52-8279
Photographs by Vandamm
CAUTION NOTICE: Professionals and amateurs are hereby
warned that Jane, being fully protected under the copyright
laws of the United States of America, the British Empire in-
cluding the Dominion of Canada, and all other countries of
the Copyright Union, is subject to royalty. All rights, includ-
ing professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing,
public reading, radio broadcasting, and the rights of translation
into foreign languages are strictly reserved. All inquiries should
be addressed to the author's agent, Harold Freedman, 101
Park Avenue, New York 17. Particular emphasis is laid on
the question of readings, permission for which must be secured
from the author's agent in writing. Inquiries about reprinting
should be sent to the publishers, Random House, Inc., 457
Madison Avenue, New York 22.
MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
d
JANE
TO W. S. M,
Jane was produced by the Theatre Guild, Inc., at the Coronet
Theatre, New York City, on the night of February 1, 1952,
with the following cast:
CAST
(In Order of Appearance)
ANN tower Adrienne Corri
peter CREWE William Whitman
WILSON Al Collins
WILLIAM TOWER
MILLICENT TOWER
JANE FOWLER
MAID
LORD FROBISHER
GILBERT DABNEY
Basil Rathbone
Irene Browne
Edna Best
Sarah Marshall
Howard St. John
Philip Friend
Directed by Cyril Ritchard
Production under the supervision of
Theresa Helburn and Lawrence Langner
Associate director, Armina Marshall
Settings and costumes designed by Elfi von Kantzow
SCENE
The entire action takes place in Mrs. Tower's drawing room,
Regents Park, London.
ACT ONE
September, 1937
ACT TWO
Late March, 1938
ACT THREE
Ten days later
ACT ONE
ACT ONE
SCENE: At MRS. tower's, Hyde Park Gate, London.
A hall-like living room with French windows at the right
leading into a lovely English garden. MRS. TOWER is con-
stantly redecorating her house; she lets off steam by doing it.
At the moment the left wall is made entirely of antique glass
in panels. When MRS. TOWER looks at the wall, as she fre-
quently does to fix her face or touch up her hair, she gets a
wavering, merciful, Melissandish reflection. For the rest,
the room is furnished with gaiety and charm. There are
flowers everywhere, and in one corner and elaborate bird cage
containing MRS. tower's canaries, which she feeds inter-
mittently when she has nothing better to do.
TIME: September, 1937.
AT RISE: ANN tower, a lovely young girl, comes in
with peter crewe. peter is twenty-three, negligently
dressed, with a sensitive, scholastic face, a humorous mouth,
and keen eyes. As soon as she comes in, ANN rings for the
butler.
ANN
(A little breathless)
I hope my father hasn't arrived yet.
PETER
Are you very anxious to see him?
ANN
To tell you the truth, Peter, I've always been rather a
little scared of him. But he is my father and I haven't seen
him in two years, (wilson comes in) Oh, Wilson, has Mr.
Tower been here?
JANE
WILSON
Not yet, Miss.
ANN
(Very much relieved,)
Oh, good! Is Mother home?
WILSON
She's out, I believe, Miss Ann.
ANN
Thank you, Wilson.
WILSON
Tea, Miss?
ANN
No, thank you, Wilson. Mr. Crewe would prefer a whiskey
and soda, I believe. Ill get him one.
WILSON
Very good, Miss.
(He goes out.)
ANN
(Pouring drink)
Well, you haven't said anything about Father's play yet.
Didn't you like it?
PETER
Though the program says it's contemporary, it had the
flavor of a period piece. Beautifully written though — a per-
fectly articulated fossil. (She looks hurt) Forgive me, darling.
4
JANE
ANN
Peter, I'm going to say something very brazen to you.
If you weren't already married — would you marry me?
PETER
{With humorous tenderness)
No, I don't think so.
ANN
Why not?
PETER
I don't think it would be a very sensible thing for you to
do.
ANN
I don't want a sensible marriage. I want a love marriage.
PETER
We have love now. Why not let well enough alone?
ANN
I feel so frustrated. I can't even enjoy the luxury of hating
your wife. I feel so sorry for her. Where is she now, do you
suppose?
PETER
Hard to say. When I last heard from her she was in
Vienna. Maybe she's there. Maybe she's in a concentration
camp somewhere. I can't find out where she is.
JANE
ANN
I think it was wonderful of you to marry her — just to give
her a passport.
PETER
Unfortunately it didn't work.
(A moment.)
ANN
(Sighs wistfully)
I wish you'd marry me — to give me a passport — a passport
to happiness. (This makes him smile) Why do you always
laugh at me?
PETER
It's that phrase — it makes me laugh. It has the charm
of the long since bygone.
ANN
Don't you believe in happiness?
PETER
Oh, darling . . . Even if I didn't believe it, you would
have proved to me that it still is possible.
ANN
Peter, I love you . . .
PETER
I love you, too. (She kisses him) Your mother can't bear
me.
(He chuckles.)
6
JANE
ANN
But / can
PETER
Although you'd never know it the way your mother and
her friends go on, we're sitting on top of a cauldron. Any
moment there's going to be a hell of a blow-up and we're
all going down the drain. As soon as it happens I shall en-
list. And you talk about happiness that lasts forever!
ANN
111 never marry anyone else. I've told Mother that.
PETER
From her point of view, you know . . .
ANN
Well?
PETER
Your mother's a very silly woman, but from her point
of view I can perfectly understand her antagonism to me.
I'm a semi-employed journalist with an uncontrollable pas-
sion for writing poetry. Terrible secret vice!
ANN
One day it will become public.
PETER
Well, I can't accuse you of being pessimistic, anyhow.
7
JANE
ANN
(A little helpless)
Oh, dear!
PETER
{Rallying her)
You know, Ann, sometimes I'm tempted to tell your
mother I'm married — just to see the effect on her.
ANN
(Alarmed)
Oh, please don't do that, please! It would give her too
much satisfaction! It would be the last straw!
PETER
By the way, Ann, through the underground of the unem-
ployed in Fleet Street I heard of a job in Manchester.
ANN
Manchester is so gloomy! (Desperately) There must be
something here in London — there must. You write so bril-
liantly!
PETER
(Dryly)
I quite agree with you, but you and I are the only ones
who seem to know it.
ANN
(Suddenly struck with a wonder jul idea)
Peter — I say!
8
JANE
PETER
What?
ANN
Lord Frobisher! Why not get a job with Lord Frobisher?
PETER
What as? Valet?
ANN
No. On one of his papers. He is a great friend of Mother's.
In fact . . .
PETER
What?
ANN
It is popularly supposed that he broke up Mother's mar-
riage. He owes Mother something, wouldn't you say? The
least he could do in return is to give you a job.
PETER
But, darling, he's on the wrong side of everything.
ANN
Perhaps you could switch him to the right side.
PETER
He's done awfully well being on the wrong side. I'm afraid
not.
JANE
ANN
Well, I'm going to try. I won't hear of your burying
yourself in Manchester. If you do — I warn you — I'll follow
you!
PETER
That would make Manchester far less gloomy!
WILSON
{Comes in and announces)
Mr. Tower.
(william tower walks in. The actor who plays
William tower will do well to study the portraits
and read the works of W. Somerset Maugham. It will
be particularly helpful to him to read The Summing
Up by this writer, tower wears a monocle on a
broad black ribbon with which he habitually fixes
people. )
ANN
{Rushes to her father)
Dad!
TOWER
Hello, Ann darling. It's lovely to see you again.
(They embrace.)
ANN
This is Peter Crewe, a great friend of mine.
TOWER
How do you do?
10
JANE
PETER
How do you do, sir?
ANN
He's a journalist — and a poet.
TOWER
Fascinating combination. Hovering between fact and fancy.
PETER
Sometimes the poetry is the fact, sir, and the journalism
is the fancy.
TOWER
I suspect that when I read the London papers — especially
Lord Frobisher's.
ANN
Well, Dad, you're looking grand. How's Africa?
TOWER
Enormous!
{There is an awkward pause, which tower does
nothing to mitigate)
ANN
{A little desperately)
Peter was saying the other day how much he envied you.
TOWER
{With no flicker of interest)
Really? Why?
11
JANE
PETER
(To help ANN out)
Er — your knack for lucrative travel. I mean to say, office
in your head. You want to go to San Francisco — you go to San-
Francisco. Impulse toward Siam — you go to Siam. And where-
ever you go, you write your stuff and the editors gobble it up.
Ideal life — really — (As he gets no encouragement he laughs
nervously and turns to go) Yes — well, Ann, I'm sure your
father wants to be left alone with you.
TOWER
(Corroborating)
I haven't seen Ann for a couple of years, you know.
ANN
Peter is coming back in any case to take me to dinner.
(To tower) Perhaps you'll join us.
TOWER
Thank you very much. I'm dining out. But perhaps we
can lunch tomorrow?
ANN
Lovely! Good-bye, Peter darling. See you in a minute.
PETER
Good-bye, Mr. Tower.
TOWER
(Has already dismissed him)
Good-bye. (peter is amused at tower's willingness to be
12
JANE
rid of him. He expects it and understands it. He goes out,
blowing a kiss to ANN, which she returns, behind tower's
back)
Well, Ann!
ANN
You weren't very cordial to my young man.
TOWER
Oh, is he your young man?
ANN
He is indeed!
TOWER
Journalism is the most insecure of professions. Poetry isn't a
profession at all. It's a luxury. Can Mr. Crewe afford it?
ANN
Haven't changed a bit, have you, darling?
TOWER
Thank you. Or perhaps you didn't mean it as a compli-
ment.
ANN
You know, you do have a knack for diminishing people!
You're supposed to be heartless, cynical.
TOWER
{Very kindly)
Your mother always used that word to describe me with-
13
JANE
out in the least understanding its original meaning. It's fash-
ionable to confuse skepticism with cynicism. Now, Ann
dear, don't take on your mother's patter. Develop your own.
It'll be equally shallow, but at least it won't be borrowed.
But tell me, hasn't your mother altered all the furniture?
ANN
Oh, you haven't seen this, have you? Everything that
Mother could pickle, she pickled; and what she couldn't
pickle, she painted.
TOWER
(As he takes in the room)
Everything harmonizes, nothing matches.
ANN
(Laughs; after a moment)
How long will you be in London?
TOWER
About a month, I expect.
ANN
Where do you go then?
TOWER
India.
ANN
Isn't it funny, Dad? I admire you enormously and I'm
very fond of you and proud too and yet . . .
14
JANE
TOWER
Yes?
ANN
I'm shy with you.
TOWER
Well, when it comes to that, perhaps I am with you.
ANN
I'm sure you are. I feer I don't know you at all. Your
writings are lucid but you personally, you're somewhat . . .
TOWER
{Helps her out)
Opaque?
ANN
Yes. That's it! You know, I often wonder why you don't
marry again. Is there any one on the horizon?
TOWER
Even if there were I shouldn't marry it.
ANN
Why not?
TOWER
One reason is I can't afford to marry again because your
mother gets most of my income.
ANN
You must have been very unhappy with her to give up
so much.
15
JANE
TOWER
{Rather grimly)
Your mother drove a hard bargain, but, had she known it,
she might have driven an even harder one.
ANN
{She is watching him, decides to try him out on a
little plan of her own)
Guess who's coming today, Dad.
TOWER
Who?
ANN
Allan Frobisher.
TOWER
{Very amiably, rather pleased, in fact)
Oh, really? How is the old pirate?
ANN
If you wait long enough, you'll probably see for yourself.
He generally drops in for a drink about this time.
TOWER
That's still on, is it?
ANN
I have a feeling . . .
{She stops, embarrassed.)
TOWER
What, dear?
16
JANE
ANN
That Allan and Mother — will get married one of these
days.
TOWER
Speed the day!
ANN
What do you mean?
TOWER
Simply that if Allan married your mother I could afford
a few luxuries in my declining years.
ANN
Haven't you forgiven him yet?
TOWER
For what?
ANN
(A bit awkwardly)
Well . . . now really, Dad . . . I'm sure you
TOWER
Oh, that! My dear Ann, you don't suppose that was in
the least Allan's doing!
ANN
You're very tolerant.
17
JANE
(mrs. tower comes in. She is chic, gay, assured, and
her devotion to calisthenics has kept her willowy.
She has a springy walk and knows that she moves
well. She is therefore almost constantly in motion.
At the moment she is very much upset over the con-
tents of a telegram which she has picked up in the
hall and has just read. She is not too surprised to see
her former husband, as he is always dropping in from
far places.)
MRS. TOWER
Hello, Willie! Well, it's very nice to see you.
TOWER
Thank you.
MRS. TOWER
I say, he looks splendid, doesn't he? Younger every day.
It must be wonderful to be a man. You can keep a vestige
of your looks without devoting all your life to it. Oh, but
my darlings, I'm really upset. Ann, what do you think has
happened? {She waves the telegram in the air) I've just had
this telegram. She's coming! She's coming again!
ANN
Who, Mother?
MRS. TOWER
Who? Who would put me in such a state? Jane, of course.
Jane Fowler. It really is naughty of her. I have so many en-
gagements, I really don't know where to turn.
18
JANE
TOWER
Jane Fowler? I seem to remember the name.
ANN
{Smiles)
Jane is Mother's cross.
MRS. TOWER
{Tragically)
She's coming tomorrow!
TOWER
Jane Fowler? Isn't that your sister-in-law and doesn't she
live in Liverpool?
MRS. TOWER
Not enough! I never saw her after Harry and I had that
row. But when he died Jane fastened herself on to me. I'm
her only living relative and she makes a fetish of it.
ANN
But Mother, she is kind. She does bring you tea-cozies and
doilies. She knits them with her own hands.
MRS. TOWER
She's worthy, she's dowdy, she's provincial. She looks
twenty years older than I do and she's perfectly capable of
telling anyone she meets that we were at school together.
When she comes to London it never occurs to her to stay
anywhere but here — she thinks it would hurt my feelings —
and she stays for three or four weeks. Entertains all her
Liverpool friends here — just as dowdy as she is. Thank God
it's tomorrow and not today.
19
JANE
TOWER
I should think, Millicent, that a woman with your social
experience would find a way to deal with a situation like
this.
MRS. TOWER
But don't you see, Willie, I haven't a chance. Jane's so
unbearably kind. She bores me to death, but I wouldn't for
a moment let her suspect it. It's the kind of thing you could
do, but I couldn't.
TOWER
I have never believed in encouraging bores.
MRS. TOWER
I know. You retire behind that mask.
TOWER
(To ANN)
Shall I lend your mother my mask?
MRS. TOWER
Tomorrow! Of all days! Just when I've asked dozens of
people to dinner.
TOWER
Everything goes on quite as usual, doesn't it?
MRS. TOWER
( With some asperity )
I hope, dear, you don't think life stops in London just
because you choose to go to Africa. This is all I needed!
And she'll expect to see her tea-cozies! She'll expect to see
her doilies!
20
JANE
TOWER
Can't you just put them on to grace her visit?
MRS. TOWER
I've burnt them!
ANN
I don't care how funny she looks — I adore her. She has a
heart of gold.
MRS. TOWER
I can't bear people with hearts of gold. If this continues
I shall have to leave London. (To tower) Jane will force
me into going back to Africa with you.
TOWER
(To ward off such a possiblity)
I'm going to India,
ANN
(Laughing)
You frightened him, Mother.
MRS. TOWER
(Wryly)
Isn't Africa big enough for both of us, Willie?
ANN
Nice to have Dad back in London — isn't it, Mother?
MRS. TOWER
(Weighing it judiciously)
Well, Id rather have him than Jane.
21
JANE
TOWER
From the avidity with which you are awaiting this elderly
frump from Liverpool, I may take that as a superlative
compliment.
MRS. TOWER
Elderly? She's not elderly. She's my age. Am I elderly?
TOWER
I've never seen you look more handsome.
ANN
Mother does look well, doesn't she?
MRS. TOWER
Oh, the art it takes! The craft it takes! When Jane's here
it all goes for nothing. She's perfectly capable of saying
to a full dinner table: "Millie, dear" — she calls me Millie,
which I loathe — "Millie, dear, don't you think at your age —
you shouldn't do quite so much?" She's always telling me
that I do too much. After a week of Jane I'm psychologi-
cally ready for a wheel chair, a hot water bottle and a cup of
Ovaltine at night.
TOWER
Is she well off?
MRS. TOWER
Oh, very. She and my brother built up the largest depart-
ment store in Liverpool. When he died, Jane sold it for
millions!
22
JANE
TOWER
(This clarifies it for him)
Ah!
MRS. TOWER
Why do you say "Ah" in that cynical way?
TOWER
(Innocent)
Did I say "Ah"?
MRS. TOWER
You certainly did! What good does Jane's fortune do
me? Jane'll live forever. They always do in Liverpool. And
she takes care of herself! God, how that woman takes care
of herself! She's in bed every night by ten.
ANN
(Starts to go)
Don't go away, Dad. (Kisses the top of his head) I ex-
pea to see a lot of you this time, my fascinating, remote
father.
TOWER
As much as you like, my darling.
ANN
Wonderful!
(She goes upstairs.)
MRS. TOWER
Well, Willie, you've come in the nick of time.
23
JANE
TOWER
To meet Jane?
MRS. TOWER
No. To do something about Ann. She's your responsibility,
too, you know.
TOWER
What's wrong with Ann? She looks very well and seems
reasonably happy.
MRS. TOWER
It's that awful young man she's involved with.
TOWER
You mean Peter Crewe?
MRS. TOWER
Oh, you've met him. Of course. He's always here. I simply
can't bear that boy.
TOWER
He seems very nice. What's wrong with him?
MRS. TOWER
(Venomously)
He's so arrogant!
TOWER
(Tolerantly)
That will pass when he has something to be arrogant
about!
24
JANE
MRS. TOWER
He hasn't a penny!
TOWER
That is more relevant.
MRS. TOWER
Of all the people we know that Ann should pick on
him. He hasn't even got a job. He can't possibly marry
her.
TOWER
Then what are you worried about?
MRS. TOWER
He's keeping her from marrying anyone else. It's high
time Ann married and married well. You must see to it,
Willie. Exert your authority.
TOWER
I never heard such nonsense. I am sure the moment I
told Ann to give up Peter Crewe it would automatically make
permanent what otherwise might be a fleeting attachment.
MRS. TOWER
Oh, I don't mean that you should forbid her. Nothing as
crude as that. Just disparage him. No one in the world is half
as good as you at general disparagement. Deflate him. She
thinks he's profound. Make her see that he's shallow.
TOWER
In order to deflate this young man I should have to see
him, and that would be a trivial use of my time.
25
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Selfish as ever! Your devotion to yourself amounts to a
cult.
TOWER
I find it as diverting as any other cult.
MRS. TOWER
(Abruptly)
You haven't said anything about my hair!
TOWER
(Looking at it)
You've done very well by it!
MRS. TOWER
I don't know why it is, but gray hair in a man always
looks distinguished. In a woman it's hideous. (Looks into
the mirrored wall) So I dyed mine. When it's entirely gray
I shall cease to dye it. Then people will say what a young
face I have.
TOWER
They may say so now.
MRS. TOWER
Oh, I never made a secret of my age. I fully admit to
forty.
TOWER
( Dryly )
Candor could go no further!
26
JANE
MRS. TOWER
People add five years automatically, so it's more of an
admission than you think. You know, Willie, I don't think
it's any compliment to me that you don't marry again. It
looks as though the experience was so devasting that you
daren't risk it.
TOWER
It works both ways. Why don't you?
MRS. TOWER
(A bit sentimental)
You were the most maddening and unsatisfactory of hus-
bands. But the fact is — after you — all the men I meet seem
tame.
TOWER
{Rallying her)
Still Allan Frobisher is coming today, isn't he?
MRS. TOWER
Yes. He comes every day. I warn you, Willie . . .
TOWER
What about?
MRS. TOWER
Allan is trembling on the brink!
TOWER
{Calmly)
I think I may trust you to push him over.
27
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Oh, well — I suppose the time will come when he will
tire of all these actresses he runs around with and want to
settle down. He's very impulsive. {In a dream of romantic
speculation) I wonder what I should say if he suddenly
asked me to marry him.
TOWER
I should articulate, as clearly as possible, the word "yes."
MRS. TOWER
Nothing will induce me to marry Allan. He's always rush-
ing off to Birmingham or Manchester or some place to buy
a newspaper. His appetite for newspapers is insatiable.
TOWER
So with all his appetites!
MRS. TOWER
You know, Willie, it's not easy to forget you. Your books
keep reminding me. I know you so well — I see you in all
of them.
TOWER
Why don't you simply not read them?
MRS. TOWER
I haven't got your self-control. I wish I had!
WILSON
{Enters and announces)
Mrs. Fowler!
28
JANE
MRS. TOWER
(Horrified, almost screams)
Jane!
(jane fowler comes in. At first sight she is, indeed,
an odd bundle; one gets the impression of a vital
little middle-aged lady activating a mass of old-
fashioned and excessive clothing. She wears, over
everything else, a cloak that oddly combines severity
with fussiness, under it a long dress of heavy stuff,
voluminous as though she wore under it innumerable
petticoats, and stout shoes. Her hat suggests the
nineteenth century rather than the twentieth. And
yet, on closer inspection, one notices first an extra-
ordinary freshness of complexion and clear eyes that
look at the world with candor and benevolence.
jane's movement and gestures are at variance with
the heavy armament of her clothes; they are lithe,
clear-cut and direct. She has a winning and lit-up
smile. Except sartorially, one gets the impression,
oddly, of youth, vitality and clarity of outlook, even
eagerness. )
JANE
(Fondly)
How are you, Millie dear?
(They embrace and kiss.)
MRS. TOWER
But Jane! I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow!
29
JANE
JANE
So Wilson said But if you looked at the date on my
telegram you would have seen that I sent it yesterday.
Have you got the telegram? It said: "Arrive tomorrow."
That's today. Where is the telegram?
MRS. TOWER
It doesn't matter. I'm very pleased to see you.
JANE
(Looks at tower)
Who is this gentleman?
MRS. TOWER
(Still recovering)
Oh, this is my . . . you know ... my former hus . . .
JANE
(With pleasure)
Is this William Tower? (Goes to him; extends her hand)
I am so pleased to meet you!
TOWER
(Taking her hand)
How do you do?
JANE
I've always wanted to meet you. But when you and
Millie were married my husband was still alive and we
never left Liverpool. We were far too happy to care to
travel.
30
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Won't you have some tea, Jane?
(She pushes button on wall.)
JANE
Oh, yes, please. If it wouldn't be too much trouble. I'll
just take off my mantle. (She takes off her cloak, which
tower holds as she turns her back to the audience, reveal-
ing a black cardigan sweater she has on underneath. She
takes off the scarf around her neck. She then takes her cloak
from tower) Thank you. (She folds the cloak neatly, puts
it on the back of the sofa and sits. She doesn't remove her
hat. Around her neck is a fairly large silver locket on a
black ribbon) There! That's a bit more comfortable. Have
you found my telegram, Millie?
MRS. TOWER
It doesn't matter now.
JANE
But I want to show you . . .
TOWER
(Takes telegram from desk)
Here is the telegram.
JANE
Ah! Thank you. ( With a hint of triumph) There, you see,
Millie! It is dated Liverpool, the seventeenth. And it says,
"Arrive tomorrow" — that is today — the eighteenth. Always
31
JANE
look at the date at the top of the telegram. That is the most
important thing in a telegram — the date it was sent. You
remember that.
MRS. TOWER
{Fuming)
111 try!
JANE
How is my darling Ann?
MRS. TOWER
Oh, very well. She'll be down in a moment.
JANE
Has she found a young man yet?
MRS. TOWER
Yes. But I wish she hadn't.
JANE
What do you mean by that, Millie?
MRS. TOWER
He's a left-wing maniac who wants us to go to war over
Czechoslovakia! Imagine! War again! Where is Czecho-
slovakia, Willie?
TOWER
Do you really want to know, Millicent?
32
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Not passionately.
(wilson enters with tea table, followed by maid.
They put small tea tables in front of the sofa on
which jane and tower are sitting, and in front of
chair in which MRS. tower is sitting.)
JANE
Tea! How wonderful. I am so thirsty. (To the maid)
The train was twenty minutes late. (The maid gives her an
incredulous look and follows wilson out) Won't you sit
beside me, Mr. Tower?
TOWER
(Complying)
Thank you.
JANE
I must tell you straight off I haven't read one of your
books. Now I shall.
TOWER
It isn't compulsory.
JANE
I hardly ever read a new book. I always re-read the
old ones.
TOWER
Excellent idea.
33
JANE
JANE
I have seen several of your comedies, though, when they
played in Liverpool. They were very interesting. But the
characters were strange to me — like foreigners. They al-
ways seemed so nervous, (mrs. tower rises and serves them
with cups of tea) They made things so hard for themselves.
MRS. TOWER
Why, Jane, what an odd comment!
TOWER
It's perfectly justified. It's the modern character, Mrs.
Fowler. It lacks serenity.
JANE
There was one I remember in which the heroine — I sup-
pose you'd call her the heroine, though her conduct was
anything but heroic — suddenly took it into her head to
have an affair in a pergola. Such an odd choice! So drafty.
So visible! But it was all very amusing just the same. We
enjoyed it very much.
TOWER
I'm glad.
WILSON
{Comes in)
Excuse me, Madam, Lord Frobisher telephoned earlier to
say he'd be unable to dine but will drop in for a cup of tea.
MRS. TOWER
Thank you, Wilson.
(wilson goes out.)
34
JANE
JANE
Lord Frobisher? That name is familiar.
MRS. TOWER
(Brushing it off)
Canadian by birth. Can't stop buying newspapers.
JANE
Is that Allan Frobisher?
MRS. TOWER
Yes. Do have some of these cakes, Jane. They're really
very nice.
JANE
Of course. Allan Frobisher.
TOWER
Do you know him?
JANE
No. Only through Millie's conversation. There was a
period a few years back, wasn't there, Millie, when you
simply couldn't keep Mr. Frobisher — he wasn't a lord then —
out of your conversation? You were always telling me how
wonderful and fascinating he was. I remember thinking such
enthusiasm odd in a married woman. Especially (Turns and
smiles at TOWER) as you already had a husband who was
both those things.
TOWER
Thank you, Mrs. Fowler.
35
JANE
JANE
Do you remember, Millie?
TOWER
(Enjoying himself)
I quite agree, Mrs. Fowler. A married woman should have
only one enthusiasm — her husband.
JANE
(Literally)
Oh, I quite agree. I remember saying so to Millie. (Turns
to MRS. TOWER) But won't it be rather awkward entertain-
ing Lord Frobisher with Mr. Tower here?
TOWER
( Dramatically )
I shall disappear.
JANE
You mustn't do that. Now that I've just met you, I want
to get to know you better.
TOWER
If you wish me to, I shall stay.
JANE
Thank you. I find you very sympathetic. (To mrs.
tower) What have you done with the tea-cozy I gave
you last time? Don't you use it?
36
JANE
MRS. TOWER
{Puts teapot down guiltily)
Oh, Jane, we used it every day. Unfortunately, we had
an accident with it. It got burnt.
JANE
But the last one I gave you got burnt.
MRS. TOWER
You must think us very careless.
JANE
{Smiles forgivingly)
It doesn't really matter. I shall enjoy making you an-
other. I'll go to Liberty's tomorrow and buy the silks.
TOWER
{Noticing the locket she is wearing)
What a lovely locket!
JANE
Do you like it?
TOWER
It's very pretty.
JANE
I'm so glad you like old things. My husband gave me this
when we were married. It contains his photograph. Would
you like to see him?
37
JANE
TOWER
Very much.
JANE
{Snapping it open and displaying it)
There he is.
TOWER
Very handsome. I love that cravat and those mustaches.
So masculine. So flamboyant.
JANE
(Snapping locket back)
And he was as good as he was handsome. Millie was at the
wedding. (Turns to MRS. tower, who is drinking her tea)
Do you remember, Millie?
MRS. TOWER
Oh . . . yes . . . vaguely . . .
JANE
It will be thirty-one years ago next Wednesday, (mrs.
tower hastily puts her cup down) I remember because the
next day was Millie's birthday and I saved her a piece of the
wedding cake. Do you remember that birthday party, Millie?
It was your twenty-first . . .
MRS. TOWER
(Cutting in quickly)
Do have one of these cakes, Jane. They're really quite
delicious.
JANE
(Munching one)
U-m-m. They are good.
38
JANE
TOWER
{Sadistic)
What an excellent memory your sister-in-law has, Millicent!
MRS. TOWER
{Acidly)
Yes. Hasn't she?
JANE
When you live quietly and do little you remember more.
I always think Millie does too much. You wouldn't think,
to look at us, would you, Mr. Tower, that Millie and I were
at school together? But of course I've lived a very quiet life.
TOWER
Millicent, your charming sister-in-law has a gift for
innuendo.
JANE
( Genuinely inquiring )
What do you mean by that, William? May I call you
William?
TOWER
Certainly, nobody else does. That will make a unique
bond between us.
MRS. TOWER
( Witheringly )
He is known, by those who fancy themselves his inti-
mates, as "Willie."
39
JANE
JANE
That is much too informal for an author as famous as he
is. I shall call you William. (Smiles at tower) That's how
I've always thought of you. When you and Millie were mar-
ried I used to say in my letters to her "Give my love to
dear William." Didn't she ever do it?
TOWER
Invariably. And I was always so happy to get your love.
JANE
Thank you, William. (But she never lets slip a point; she
fixes tower with her clear, steady glance) What did you
mean just now when you said I had a gift for innuendo?
tower
(Sincerely)
Forgive me!
JANE
Why? It would be a very nice gift to have. I haven't got
it, I'm afraid. (A considerable pause, jane is enjoying her
tea very much; between sips she smiles at the towers be-
nignly) Isn't it nice not to have to talk? One can do that
only with relations who understand each other and who love
each other.
TOWER
When I'm stuck in a conversation I always flatter. That's
always the safe thing.
40
JANE
JANE
{Rather shocked)
Flatter?
TOWER
Yes. Nearly everyone's vain, don't you think?
JANE
I suppose so. Still, if you will forgive me, William, I
don't quite see that. If the person that you flatter is intelligent
he knows what you're doing. If he isn't, why do you want
his good opinion?
TOWER
I don't want his good opinion. I just want to fill in those
awful pauses in conversation.
JANE
Oh, I love a pause in a conversation. It always gives me
time to collect my thoughts.
{There follows a pause in the conversation — quite a
longish one. jane is making a hearty tea.)
TOWER
{Finally)
I see you're enjoying this one, Mrs. Fowler. Are you
collecting your thoughts?
JANE
You must call me Jane.
41
JANE
TOWER
Jane. Are you collecting your thoughts, Jane?
JANE
Yes. I have some news which I am getting ready to tell
you.
MRS. TOWER
News. What news, Jane?
JANE
I am so glad you are here, too, William, so that you will
hear it as well. Although I have only just met you I do
look upon you as one of the family.
MRS. TOWER
Isn't that nice? That's just how Willie loves to be looked
on.
JANE
(A little severely)
After all, he is Ann's father. I still think of him as related
to you, Millie.
MRS. TOWER
(To TOWER)
Jane sets great store by relations.
JANE
When all else fails us we have them.
42
JANE
TOWER
But what is your news, Jane? I am agog to hear.
JANE
I am about to be married.
MRS. TOWER
{Jumps up)
What?
TOWER
My congratulations.
JANE
Thank you, William.
MRS. TOWER
Jane, you're not serious.
JANE
One dosn't marry if one is not serious. That is why I
came just at this particular moment. I'm going to be mar-
ried tomorrow morning. You shall come with me to the
Registrar's, of course. And you too, William.
TOWER
I am going to India.
JANE
Tomorrow?
43
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Tell us all about it. Who is it? Who's the lucky bride-
groom?
JANE
I have asked my young man to come here to meet you.
You'll see him very soon.
MRS. TOWER
{Chuckling)
It's too sweet to hear you talk about your young man!
JANE
You mustn't expect anyone too old. You wouldn't want
me to marry some decrepit old man with one foot in the
grave, would you?
{She giggles.)
MRS. TOWER
Oh, Jane, how wonderful! And, tell me, are you going to
live in Liverpool?
JANE
No. My young man's profession requires that we live in
London.
MRS. TOWER
{A horrid chasm yawns before her)
Oh!
44
JANE
JANE
So you and I shall be able to see a lot of each other.
Won't that be lovely?
MRS. TOWER
Yes, heavenly!
JANE
And I hope we shall see a lot of you too, William.
TOWER
Unfortunately I am going to India . . .
JANE
Yes, I know. So you said. But surely not tomorrow. I in-
sist upon your being a witness at our wedding. My young
man is such a dear! I do hope you'll like him.
MRS. TOWER
I'm sure we shall. I can't wait to meet him.
JANE
He'll be here any minute. If you will excuse me . . . {She
rises, as does tower,, and starts taking her things off sofa.
tower helps her) I shall go upstairs and get out of these
traveling things. My usual room, Millie?
MRS. TOWER
Yes, dear.
JANE
You're not going right away, are you, William?
45
JANE
TOWER
Certainly not. Not till I've met your "young man."
JANE
( With a shy, winning smile )
I see you don't believe in my young man. Is Ann in her
room? I must look in and tell her. {She stops a moment at
the stair landing) I'm so pleased to have met you at last,
William. I always thought you'd be rather formidable. You're
not a bit. You're, if I may say so, you're quite — cozy!
(She goes upstairs.)
MRS. TOWER
(The moment jane has gone, pounces on tower)
Well, my cozy boy, what do you make of that?
tower
I'm certainly curious to see what he's like.
MRS. TOWER
Can't you imagine? Very big and massive, with an enor-
mous gold chain across an enormous tummy, a great big
florid face and a booming voice.
TOWER
Did you notice when she spoke of her young man her
voice got a bit funny and tremulous?
MRS. TOWER
Yes. It made me want to laugh.
46
JANE
TOWER
I found it rather touching.
MRS. TOWER
Don't be sentimental, Willie. It doesn't become you.
TOWER
I am rarely accused of being sentimental. I insist — in
view of what Jane's young man probably is — I found it
touching.
MRS. TOWER
Don't you love the way she treated us like a happy family
quivering with the joy of reunion? Really, Jane is unique.
Can you imagine that such people still exist?
TOWER
If she knew us better she might find it hard to believe that
we exist!
WILSON
{Enters and announces)
Lord Frobisher!
(Allan frobisher is in his early fifties, medium-
sized but so instinct with success and power that he
seems, somehow, a bit larger than life. He is crusty,
sadistic, humorous, aware of his reputation for these
attributes and constantly, often deliberately, support-
ing it. He has discovered that people who have, on
their own, achieved the success in life that he has
can be overbearing and brutal and that it only serves
to btrild up the popular picture of them as salty
characters. )
47
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Oh, Allan . . .
FROBISHER
Hello, Millicent. And Willie! Quite like old times. How
are you?
TOWER
Very well, thank you. (They shake hands) I needn't ask
you. Obviously, you are flourishing.
MRS. TOWER
Oh, Allan's a miracle of survival!
FROBISHER
(A glance at mrs. tower)
There's a sting in that somewhere. But I don't mind a
bit. (To tower) Why, Willie, I wake up every morning
feeling that life is a new adventure. Resent sleeping.
TOWER
How do you keep so young? Is it those grubby newspapers?
FROBISHER
Women! Try them.
TOWER
(To MRS. TOWER)
Allan insists so on his virility I begin to suspect it.
FROBISHER
You haven't changed a bit, have you, Willie — which is
rather regrettable.
48
JANE
MRS. TOWER
(To frobisher)
Don't think you can make up for canceling dinner by just
dropping in for tea.
FROBISHER
European situation looked a bit sultry. Thought I'd better
stay close to the office.
MRS. TOWER
Nonsense! I'm sure it's a glamour girl. I'll ring for some
more tea.
FROBISHER
Don't bother. I'll have a whiskey. (He goes to liquor
table and pours himself a drink. Addresses tower ) When I
was young — I don't in the least mind admitting it — I was
notoriously unsuccessful with women, and now I'm making
up for lost time. When I first barged in on London from
Canada, I was very poor and considered insufferably brash.
Now that I have money and power that same quality passes
for strength — rugged strength.
I still call it brash!
TOWER
FROBISHER
The girls like it!
MRS. TOWER
What I like about Allan is his innate vulgarity, don't you,
Willie?
49
JANE
FROBISHER
As my father was a blacksmith and my grandfather an in-
dentured servant, I'm under no obligation to be refined.
Everybody loves women secretly. Everybody is polygamous —
secretly; I am — openly.
MRS. TOWER
Allan's perpetually in love with someone. I find it very
tiresome.
TOWER
Not in love, Millicent. That implies a spiritual quality
that Allan lacks. It's simply that he is frightened by what
the doctors call "the atrophy of disuse."
FROBISHER
{Chuckles)
You're right, Willie. "Never stop" is my motto. Once you
stop — you're done for. When I go to these boring public
dinners and hear these great swells spout their hollow ab-
stractions — I've done it myself — have to in my position — as
I look around the room at their pious expressions I think:
"What women are they really thinking of?" I always know
who Ym thinking of.
TOWER
How crowded your brain must be!
FROBISHER
Teeming!
50
JANE
TOWER
You know, Millicent, I should like to devise a coat of
arms for Allan: all the actresses in London ' couchant" and
he over them, brandishing a limp sword of papier mache.
MRS. TOWER
Willie, you're wicked.
FROBISHER
He's jealous, that's all.
TOWER
How's your asthma?
FROBISHER
I rise above k. I say, Willie! While you're doing nothing,
why don't you go to work for me? Biggest circulation in
London, you know.
TOWER
I know your circulation is big, Allan, but can it read?
JANE
(Coming down stairs)
Millie, was that my young man?
(She has changed to a black dress of a style belong-
ing to the early 1900's. Her hair is parted in the
middle, covering her ears. She has a narrow black
ribbon tied around it.)
51
JANE
MRS. TOWER
{Terribly discommoded by jane's existence — presenting)
Jane, this is Lord Frobisher. Allan, this is my sister-in-
law, Mrs. Fowler.
JANE
{Rather primly, she disapproves of him)
How do you do?
FROBISHER
{He rather squints at the apparition of JANE; he has
no taste, unlike TOWER, for that sort of thing)
I'm very well thank you.
JANE
Why do you stare at me?
FROBISHER
Do I? Sorry.
JANE
We, at home, consider it rude to stare.
FROBISHER
{His back up a bit)
Stared! Of course I stared. When she came down I thought
it was Queen Victoria. Now by God I see I was right.
MRS. TOWER
{Idiotically)
My sister-in-law lives in Liverpool.
52
JANE
FROBISHER
That explains it. (Moves toward jane, still staring at her
as though he were in a zoo) I've just bought a paper there.
JANE
Yes, I know you have. The Star. Why did you buy it? It's
a wretched newspaper. We never take it.
FROBISHER
I'm afraid you're in a minority, Mrs. Fowler.
TOWER
(Enjoying himself)
Hasn't Allan improved it?
JANE
Not a bit. Before he bought it, it was quite easy not to
read it. Now Lord Frobisher has filled it full of the most
sensational photographs and it is really very difficult not to
look at it.
FROBISHER
(Chuckles)
That effect, dear, dear Mrs. Fowler is not uncalculated.
JANE
(Blandly)
I am sure, Lord Frobisher, that that is true of most of
your effects. (Turns to mrs. tower) But where is my
young man?
53
JANE
FROBISHER
Is your son as original as you are, Mrs. Fowler?
JANE
I have no son. I am referring to my fiance.
MRS. TOWER
{Simply floundering)
It's a happy event, Allan. Jane has just announced her
engagement.
My congratulations!
Thank you.
Is it Prince Albert?
FROBISHER
JANE
FROBISHER
JANE
{With benign mildness — to mrs. tower)
It amazes me, Millie, that you could have left a mature
man like my dear William for an elderly adolescent like
Lord Frobisher!
(frobisher glares, mrs. tower totters. Only tower
is in ecstasy. )
TOWER
Allan, my dear sister-in-law has a gift for epitaph. "Elderly
Adolescent!" That will be written on your tombstone. {He
sinks on his knees before JANE) Millicent, will you remarry
me so that I may once again be Jane's brother-in-law?
54
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Don't be absurd, Willie.
JANE
{Blushing a little)
Do get up, William. But I think you should remarry
Millie. I shall bless the reunion.
WILSON
{Enters and announces)
Mr. Gilbert Dabney!
JANE
{Rises, but TOWER still holds her hand)
My young man! Gilbert . . .
(gilbert is about thirty, slight, tallish, attractive,
with a deprecatory, half-humorous, tentative manner
that is very engaging. GILBERT sees TOWER on his
knees before JANE.)
GILBERT
{With mock consternation)
What, Jane? Already?
JANE
{A little disconcerted)
Get up, William!
GILBERT
I hadn't expected this sort of thing till after we were
married.
55
JANE
JANE
It's only my brother-in-law. He's been to Africa and he's
going to India.
GILBERT
(Easily)
Well, that explains it.
(tower finally lets go of jane's band, sits back on
his heels, contemplating the phenomenon.)
JANE
Millie, this is my young man. I do hope you like him.
GILBERT
How do you do?
(But MRS. tower is so bouleverse she can only make
her lips move in greeting.)
JANE
And this . . . (Turns and sees tower still on his knees)
Oh, get up, William! (She helps him rise) And this is
William Tower, Millie's ex-husband. He's like one of the
family.
GILBERT
How do you do?
(He and tower shake hands.)
TOWER
(In seventh heaven)
I'm singularly happy.
56
JANE
JANE
{Indicating frobisher with a faint asperity)
And this is Lord Frobisher.
GILBERT
{Catches jane's attitude and shares it)
How do you do? (frobisher is transfixed) Why do you
stare? Is my tie on wrong or something?
JANE
Don't mind him, Gilbert. Lord Frobisher hasn't learned,
evidently, that it is rude to stare.
MRS. TOWER
{Finally finding speech)
Jane! Really . . .
JANE
{Looks at her, concerned)
What's the matter, Millie? You have an unusually high
color.
MRS. TOWER
{Gasps)
I probably put on too much rouge.
JANE
Oh, is it rouge? I thought it was natural. Otherwise, I
shouldn't have mentioned it. {Gives GILBERT a shy smile)
You know, Gilbert, Millie and I were at school together.
GILBERT
{Out to captivate mrs. tower)
So you told me. You know, Mrs. Tower, Jane sets such
57
JANE
store by you — I have been quite tense about meeting you.
I'm so afraid that if you don't approve of me Jane will drop
me. So please approve.
MRS. TOWER
(Off her social balance for once)
It's a bit early . . .
GILBERT
(Smiles at her)
It may be worse later. (To frobisher) It's so nice to like
people right off — from the beginning, don't you think? It
may be the only chance to really enjoy them. (But frobisher
is still in aspic) Yes ... (He gives up there and turns to
MRS. tower) After that, things are apt to get a bit frayed,
don't you think?
MRS. TOWER
(Trembling, venomous)
Well, there is a certain disparity of age between you!
TOWER
Shall you be in London long, Jane? While you're here I
want to see as much of you as possible.
JANE
We are going to Italy for our honeymoon.
TOWER
(To GILBERT)
Do you expect to be away long?
58
JANE
GILBERT
I have arranged with the office to stay away for two
months.
JANE
It will be such a treat for him. He's never had more than
a fortnight's holiday before.
MRS. TOWER
Why not?
GILBERT
I've never been able to afford it.
MRS. TOWER
{Putting volumes into the exclamation)
Ah!
TOWER
Millicent, did you say "Ah"?
MRS. TOWER
{With asperity)
Yes, I did and I meant every word of it.
GILBERT
{To tower)
Jane hoped I would make a good impression on her family.
Am I succeeding, do you think?
TOWER
You're succeeding with me all right.
59
JANE
FROBISHER
(He has had enough)
Well, thank you, Millicent for a most diverting after-
noon.
MRS. TOWER
I've hardly seen you at all.
FROBISHER
I'll ring you tomorrow. You must get your sister-in-law
over her prejudice against me. By the way, Willie, I'm see-
ing your play tonight and taking Muriel Kerr to supper
afterwards. Won't you join us? It'll be a big thrill for
Muriel to meet the author.
TOWER
Thank you very much but unfortunately I'm busy.
MRS. TOWER
It's Muriel now, is it?
FROBISHER
I hope it will be.
TOWER
(Eager to whip things up)
You know, Jane, Lord Frobisher is the most expert philan-
derer in London.
JANE
(Objectively)
At his age? Is it becoming?
60
JANE
TOWER
(Keeping the fire going)
He has a sort of vintage boyishness, don't you think?
FROBISHER
(Nettled to open attack)
Your sense of decorum is extremely acute, Mrs. Fowler.
You are very critical of other people's indulgences. Doesn't it
— in the circumstances — (He looks from her to gilbert)
show a lack of humor?
JANE
(With dignity, takes gilbert's hand)
Gilbert and I are about to be married, Lord Frobisher.
FROBISHER
(Helpless)
I give up!
TOWER
(Simmering with delight)
This is the second time I've seen Allan so frustrated.
JANE
(Not above wanting instances)
Really? What was the first time?
TOWER
The first time was when he was staying with me in my
villa in the South of France. A highly respectable American
lady novelist was staying with me also. Allan came down
to the swimming pool stark naked. She didn't bat an eye-
lash!
61
JANE
JANE
{Gravely)
I hope she managed to conceal her disappointment.
TOWER
(With mock disapproval)
Now that, Jane, quite literally, is hitting below the belt!
FROBISHER
(Can take no more)
Good-bye, Millicent. Another ten minutes with your sister-
in-law would permanently undermine my confidence.
(He goes out.)
JANE
(Reflectively)
Millie, dear, how could you have made such a mistake?
To have abandoned my dear William . . .
MRS. TOWER
(She can endure no more)
Mistake! You talk about mistakes!
TOWER
Jane has an acute sense of values, Millicent.
MRS. TOWER
(Savage)
Willie! I want to talk to Jane.
JANE
What are we doing now?
62
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Willie, take Mr. Dabney into the library.
TOWER
But I'd much rather stay here and deepen my acquaintance
with Jane.
JANE
We shall have plenty of time for that, William. You go
along. I promise to tell you everything that Millie says.
TOWER
On that condition I will. {To gilbert) Come along,
young man.
GILBERT
{As he starts to go with tower into the library)
Stiff upper lip, Jane.
TOWER
{To gilbert)
How do you feel on the eve of your great adventure?
GILBERT
Well, I've been all through it once before, you know.
TOWER
Have you, really? Well, come in here and tell me all
about it.
{They go, closing library door after them.)
63
JANE
MRS. TOWER
(As soon as they're
Jane! Are you crazy? What makes you want to marry this
young man?
JANE
Partly because he won't take "no" for an answer.
MRS. TOWER
And why do you suppose he wants to marry you?
JANE
I amuse him.
MRS. TOWER
Amuse him!
JANE
So he keeps telling me.
MRS. TOWER
Where did you meet him, anyway?
JANE
I advertised for him.
MRS. TOWER
Oh! In Cupid's Column, I suppose.
JANE
No, in the Times. I advertised for a young architect, with-
out an expensive reputation, to re-do my house in Liverpool.
And Gilbert came.
64
JANE
MRS. TOWER
He's penniless and you're rich. You can't be such a fool
as not to see that he's marrying you for your money!
JANE
I don't think he is, you know. I think he's very fond of
me.
MRS. TOWER
You're an old woman, Jane.
JANE
I'm the same age as you, Millie.
MRS. TOWER
I've never let myself go. I'm very young for my age. No
one would take me for more than forty. But even I wouldn't
think of marrying a boy twenty years younger than I am.
JANE
Wouldn't you?
MRS. TOWER
Do you mean to say it's possible for a young man to fall
in love with a woman old enough to be his mother? Oh,
now really, Jane, I always thought you were a sensible
woman. You're the last person in the world I should have
ever thought likely to fall in love with a boy.
JANE
But I'm not in love with him. I've told him that.
65
JANE
MRS. TOWER
If you're not in love with him, why do you want to
marry him?
JANE
( Calmly )
I've been a widow a very long time. I thought I'd like a
change.
MRS. TOWER
If you want to marry for the sake of being married, why
don't you marry someone of your own age?
JANE
No man of my own age has asked me. In fact, no one
has asked me at all except Gilbert and he had to ask me
five times.
{She chuckles.)
MRS. TOWER
{Increasingly furious)
Don't laugh, Jane. Really, you must be out of your
mind. {Begins to weep suddenly) It's dreadful!
JANE
{Regards her with composure)
Don't cry, Millie.
MRS. TOWER
{Into her handkerchief)
You're going to be so dreadfully unhappy.
66
JANE
JANE
I don't think we are, you know. We've talked it over very
thoroughly. He was married once before to a girl of his
own age.
MRS. TOWER
He's certainly going to the other extreme.
JANE
She ran away from him to marry a rich American. She
made him very unhappy. \He told me so.
MRS. TOWER
How much money has he persuaded you to settle on
him?
JANE
I wanted to settle a thousand a year on him, but he
wouldn't hear of it.
MRS. TOWER
He's more cunning than I thought.
JANE
Millie dear, you do misunderstand him.
MRS. TOWER
I am too upset to go on. I must look a fright. I must go
and restore my face, if possible, to it's original condition.
We'll talk it all over in the morning.
JANE
I'm afraid that won't be convenient. Gilbert and I are
going to be married in the morning.
67
JANE
MRS. TOWER
You're hopeless.
JANE
Millie dear, I'm so fond of you.
MRS. TOWER
Don't be emotional. I've got people coming to dinner.
{Opens door to library) Mr. Dabney, you can come out now.
I want to talk to Willie.
{She goes into library, leaving door open.)
GILBERT
{Enters from library, closes the door)
Jane! Why, Jane darling, we seem to have caused a
sensation! {Takes her hands) It's very agreeable — being a
sensation.
JANE
{Smiles somewhat soberly)
I hadn't realized, till I saw the effect on my family, what
an odd thing it is, apparently, that we're doing.
GILBERT
The only one who didn't seem to mind a bit is Mr.
Tower.
JANE
He enjoyed it because it made the others uncomfortable.
GILBERT
Of course! How shrewd you are, Jane!
68
JANE
JANE
They think I've exercised a hypnotic spell over you. Have
I?
GILBERT
Of course you have. The vampire of Liverpool. The Lorelei
of the Mersey!
JANE
You know, they make me feel as if . . .
GILBERT
How do they make you feel?
JANE
As if instead of marrying you — I should adopt you! It's
obvious they think you're marrying me for my money.
GILBERT
I'm sure they do. Oh, Jane, what fun we shall have!
JANE
You have one more chance, you know.
GILBERT
For what?
JANE
To get out of it. Tomorrow will be too late.
GILBERT
I'll wait till it's too late.
69
JANE
JANE
Are you quite sure?
GILBERT
Perfectly!
JANE
You know — I have told you — that although I couldn't
be more fond of anyone than I am of you — I am not in love
with you.
GILBERT
{With mock conceit)
That's because you only know me superficially. As you
become more familiar with the beauty and the depth of my
character, you will gradually fall madly in love with me.
JANE
{Fondly pats his cheek)
Oh, Gilbert, you are sweet!
GILBERT
With your directness and my subtlety we'll strike a per-
fect balance.
JANE
We are quite different, you know.
GILBERT
I know we are. That's the fun of it!
JANE
I am mature and deliberate. You are young and impulsive.
Therefore, I think we ought to make it clear at the outset . . .
70
JANE
GILBERT
Yes, Jane, clear away.
JANE
I think we should have it understood between us that if
either of us wants our freedom — the other will put no ob-
stacle in the way of his getting it.
GILBERT
{Quite misunderstanding her)
You don't really believe in my love for you, do you?
JANE
Yes, I do.
GILBERT
Then why do you want this ridiculous proviso?
JANE
{Demurely)
Well, it works both ways, doesn't it? I said: if either
of us wants our freedom . . .
GILBERT
{Persists in his misinterpretation)
You're the most gallant creature in the world! Of course,
you shall have your proviso. But if I ever take advantage
of it, it will mean that I have lost entirely the little good
sense that I flatter myself I have.
JANE
I think we have protected ourselves in every way possible,
don't you?
71
JANE
GILBERT
Yes, vampire.
JANE
(Moved, utters a little prayer')
Bless us!
GILBERT
(Equally moved, echoes her)
Amen!
JANE
(After a moment)
Shall we go for a little stroll in the garden? It's spring in
the garden. I'd like to show you Millie's roses.
GILBERT
(Rises, takes her hand and leads her to French doors)
I'd adore to see Millie's roses. I'd prefer it, frankly, to see-
ing Millie.
JANE
You mustn't say that, Gilbert. She is my dear husband's
only sister.
GILBERT
(As they stop at garden door and face each other)
Well, she won't be by this time tomorrow. Oh, Jane, what
fun we shall have!
JANE
Yes, Gilbert — I have no doubt — we shall have fun to-
gether!
72
JANE
{Arms locked, looking tenderly into each other's eyes,
they go out into the garden. After a moment MRS.
tower comes in from the library, followed immedi-
ately by tower. She goes to French doors as he goes
to liquor table and pours himself a glass of sherry.)
TOWER
Well, what's become of the young couple?
MRS. TOWER
Don't joke, Willie. It's not funny.
TOWER
Well, half of them is a young couple, anyway.
MRS. TOWER
You're enjoying this far too much, Willie. It's a tragedy.
That's what it is — a tragedy!
TOWER
Why? They seem very fond of each other.
MRS. TOWER
Fond! Fond! You don't think he's marrying her for any-
thing but her money, do you?
TOWER
Well, if it doesn't work out you'll at least have the con-
solation of saying: "I told you so."
MRS. TOWER
Jane! Can you imagine! So old and dowdy and dull!
73
JANE
TOWER
Are you quite sure she's dull?
MRS. TOWER
What else is she?
TOWER
What she does say is very much to the point.
MRS. TOWER
Nonsense! I've never heard her make a joke in my life!
Well, Willie, how much do you give it? Six months? I give
it six months at most. ( With a twinge of jealousy ) Fancy —
finding a young man like that in Liverpool! And she adver-
tised for him! Would you believe that Willie — she adver-
tised!
TOWER
Well, why don't you do the same, Millicent? In one of
Allan's papers. I'm sure he'd give you a reduced rate.
MRS. TOWER
Oh, Willie — you're maddening! (She hits him with her
floppy straw hat and walks away from him. She is out of
sorts with everything) So is Jane! So is everybody!
TOWER sips his sherry happily as the
curtain falls.
74
ACT TWO
ACT TWO
Scene: The same.
Time: Six months later. March, 1938. Late afternoon.
At Rise: wilson shows in tower, tower looks around
the room. He picks up a copy of Punch and is glancing at
it when mrs. tower comes in from the garden in gardening-
hat and carrying large shears.
MRS. TOWER
Willie! When did you get back?
TOWER
This morning.
(They kiss lightly.)
MRS. TOWER
After six months you drop in as casually as though you'd
just taken a stroll in St. James's Park. Did you have a good
time in India?
TOWER
Fascinating.
MRS. TOWER
(Enviously)
You always have a wonderful time, don't you, Willie?
TOWER
You don't exactly wear a hair shirt yourself, Millicent.
You're looking lovely.
77
JANE
MRS. TOWER
I don't feel lovely. I'm in a state.
TOWER
What about?
MRS. TOWER
Everything.
TOWER
How is Ann?
MRS. TOWER
She's one of the things I'm in a state about.
TOWER
What's wrong?
MRS. TOWER
It's that awful Peter Crewe.
TOWER
Is that still on?
MRS. TOWER
On? It's incessant. She might just as well be married to
him for all the attention she pays anyone else.
TOWER
Ann usually runs through them faster than that.
MRS. TOWER
(As if it were a personal affront)
He's actually had a book of poems published.
78
JANE
TOWER
Has he? Have you read it?
MRS. TOWER
I couldn't read it but I've looked at it. The critics all raved
about it but personally I couldn't make head or tail of it. Not
a rhyme to hang on to.
TOWER
What else are you in a state about?
MRS. TOWER
Well, do you remember my sister-in-law whom you met
the last time you were here?
TOWER
Oh, yes — that quaint, elderly frump from Liverpool. Of
course I do.
MRS. TOWER
{Bitterly)
Yes, well, that quaint elderly frump from Liverpool is now
the reigning social success of London.
TOWER
Nonsense!
MRS. TOWER
Wait till you see, Willie, wait till you see. You're going to
get the surprise of your life.
TOWER
Am I? I'm scarcely likely to meet her.
79
JANE
MRS. TOWER
She and Gilbert are both living here.
TOWER
That marriage still on? I remember you gave it six
months.
MRS. TOWER
I've taken an extension.
TOWER
As it's lasted so long, maybe it will last forever.
MRS. TOWER
I said it wouldn't last and I still say it won't last. It's con-
trary to human nature.
TOWER
Human nature is often contrary.
MRS. TOWER
There's something very mysterious going on between Allan
and Jane.
TOWER
Allan? I shouldn't think Jane was in the least Allan's
dish.
MRS. TOWER
Perhaps he's changed his diet. They quarrel all the time.
God knows what about.
80
JANE
TOWER
That sounds very ominous. And Gilbert .
MRS. TOWER
He's bound to leave her. It's inevitable. He's such a charm-
ing, attractive young man.
TOWER
Why are they living here?
MRS. TOWER
They're staying here till Jane's house is ready. She's taken
a long lease on a house in Belgrave Square and Gilbert is
redecorating it for her.
TOWER
I must say it's very generous of you to have them here.
MRS. TOWER
You don't know, Willie, you don't know.
TOWER
What don't I know?
MRS. TOWER
Not only has Gilbert redecorated Jane's house. He's re-
upholstered Jane!
TOWER
Really?
81
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Really. It's galling to think that people who never came
here before now come here on account of Jane! She's become
a sort of fad.
TOWER
Really!
MRS. TOWER
Really! Cabinet ministers — royalty — film stars, even! And
the extraordinary thing is they all think she's so amusing.
TOWER
People can never resist those who make them laugh, my
dear Millicent.
MRS. TOWER
I don't think she's a bit funny. Of course I laugh when
I see other people doing it because I don't want to appear
a perfect fool. But I'm never in the least amused.
TOWER
You always liked notorious people. Just relax and enjoy it.
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may!
MRS. TOWER
I do, but I resent it. Every rosebud. I can't wait for Jane's
house to be ready so she can pack up and get out of here.
And the outrageous things she says — they take your breath
away!
TOWER
For instance?
82
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Last week I gave a lunch party and Lady St. Earth was
here. Everybody was talking about Eden's resignation over
that nonsense in Ethiopia. As if anybody cared about Ethio-
pia . . .
{She pops some birdseed in to her canaries.)
TOWER
Well?
MRS. TOWER
Well, Lady St. Earth was saying that Eden was like a ser-
vant who quits because he knows he's going to be kicked out
anyway. And what do you think Jane said?
TOWER
I can't imagine.
MRS. TOWER
In that maddeningly innocent little voice of hers, I was
horrified to hear her say: "Perhaps, Lady St. Earth" — I
couldn't believe my ears — "perhaps, Lady St. Earth, you
understand a servant's mentality better than you do Mr.
Eden's!" (tower laughs) It's no laughing matter, Willie.
Lady St. Earth was out of the house in five minutes and
hasn't been back since.
TOWER
I know Lady St. Earth and you should be grateful to Jane.
MRS. TOWER
It can't go on much longer. There's bound to be a blow-
up.
83
JANE
TOWER
TOWiiK
I hope to be present when it occurs!
MRS. TOWER
And when it does I hope you'll assume your responsibili-
ties and do something about Ann. But instead of that, I
suppose you'll be popping off to Afghanistan at any moment.
TOWER
Tibet.
MRS. TOWER
What?
TOWER
(In the interest of accuracy)
I am not going to Afghanistan. I am going to Tibet.
MRS. TOWER
While you're playing around with all those lamas . . .
(tower laughs) What are you laughing at?
TOWER
My dear Millicent, the lamas are rather exclusive. You
can't play around with them.
MRS. TOWER
Well, while you are playing around with whatever they
have in Tibet, I suppose I shall be left here wrestling with
Ann's problems. Oh, dear, life is difficult!
84
JANE
TOWER
It's practically impossible. The moment you're born you're
done for.
MRS. TOWER
{One of her abrupt transitions)
Jane prophesies that you and I will remarry.
TOWER
{Interested)
Does she?
MRS. TOWER
{Tantalizing)
Yes. Do you believe in prophecy?
TOWER
{Laconic)
I believe in free will.
MRS. TOWER
In your stories people are always swallowed up by a des-
tiny they can't escape.
TOWER
I never read my stories.
MRS. TOWER
{Still in pursuit)
Jane says if you're not careful you'll let yourself in for a
lonely old age. Aren't you afraid of that?
85
JANE
TOWER
My dear Millicent, I do not have to wait for old age to
know loneliness. I have known it since I was a child.
MRS. TOWER
(Frustrated)
I can't cope with you.
TOWER
( With a charming smile )
Isn't it nice you don't have to?
MRS. TOWER
The truth is you're vindictive. Sometimes I think you
took advantage of the incident with Allan to leave me high
and dry.
TOWER
(With a glance around the charming room)
Many people wouldn't mind being left high and dry in
these surroundings.
MRS. TOWER
You're such a materialist! You worship success.
TOWER
(Quiet but accurate in aim)
If my worship were unrequited, you might be even more
bitter.
MRS. TOWER
Let's drop the subject.
86
JANE
TOWER
With happiness.
(gilbert comes down the stairs, dressed in tails.)
GILBERT
Oh, Millicent . . . {Sees TOWER, is pleased) Oh, hello,
Mr. Tower!
TOWER
The bridegroom!
{They shake hands.)
GILBERT
I'm not a bridegroom any more. I'm a settled married
man.
TOWER
Where is the bride? I'm longing to see the bride.
GILBERT
She's upstairs changing. Do you know how she spent her
afternoon? I invited her to come round and see what I'm
planning for the old house in Belgrave Square. Do you know
what she preferred to do?
TOWER
What?
GILBERT
To go off with your daughter and her boy friend to see
an exhibition of modern art. Can you imagine spending an
afternoon observing those horrors? Those detached eyes
swimming in tomato sauce, those curves copulating with
angles?
87
jane:
MRS. TOWER
(Touching herself up at the glass wall)
Gilbert, don't be so vivid!
GILBERT
I must say, Millicent, if I could be annoyed with Jane, I
should be at this moment.
MRS. TOWER
Why?
GILBERT
I've just been round to see Lady St. Earth. You know I
was going to do her new house for her in Park Lane. Well,
it's off!
MRS. TOWER
(Pleased)
I should think it would be.
GILBERT
Jane's unfortunate remark to her cost me an important
commission.
MRS. TOWER
Why don't you shut Jane up?
GILBERT
That's a tall order. ( With a note of petulance not wasted
on tower) Well, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
88
JANE
MRS. TOWER
{With melting sympathy, to GILBERT)
You'd think as she was lucky enough to capture a hus-
band as gifted as you are, she'd do all she could to further
your career — not to antagonize your prospects. I think it's
outrageous!
TOWER
How considerate of you, Millicent, to point it out! Al-
ways thinking of others.
MRS. TOWER
Of course you'd sympathize with Jane. You're both such
egotists. {To gilbert) I don't think they know how talented
you are! {To tower) You should see his plans for the new
house, Willie. They're brilliant.
GILBERT
{To mrs. tower as he surveys the room)
I'd like to do this one over for you some day.
MRS. TOWER
Oh, well — when Willie writes his next best-seller, you
can.
TOWER
You put a premium on failure.
MRS. TOWER
And, Gilbert, when you do start disciplining Jane, you
might ask her to stop encouraging that awful Peter Crewe
to think that my daughter — yes, and your daughter, too,
Willie — though you won't acknowledge it . . .
89
JANE
TOWER
I have never denied my share in Ann's paternity. Is there
something I don't know?
MRS. TOWER
It's easy to laugh. Most convenient. I'll go up and see what's
happened to Ann. (To tower) It's cook's day off. You
might take me out to dinner.
TOWER
I'll be delighted. (To gilbert) Will you and Jane join
us?
GILBERT
I'd love to and I'm sure Jane would, too. We're going to
the opera afterwards.
MRS. TOWER
( With malice )
And while you're about k, Gilbert, you might invite Lady
St. Earth. I'm sure she'd love it.
GILBERT
Please don't rub it in, Millicent.
MRS. TOWER
I must say, Gilbert, you have the patience of Job — and
you're far more attractive.
(She goes upstairs.)
TOWER
Congratulations, Gilbert — on being more attractive than
Job.
90
JANE
GILBERT
Thank you. {Goes up to liquor table and pours a drink)
It's very nice to see you again, Mr. Tower.
TOWER
Thank you.
GILBERT
{Indicating glass)
How about you?
TOWER
No, I think I'll stick with sherry, if you don't mind.
GILBERT
Jane and I have never forgotten how sympathetic you
were on the day we first burst the bombshell on the family.
I must say I was glad you were here that day.
So was I.
Cheers!
TOWER
GILBERT
{Lifts glass, toasts him)
TOWER
Cheers!
{In this scene tower probes gilbert. He is curious
about gilbert and jane, gilbert senses that he is
being quizzed, rather enjoys it. )
91
May I say . . .
Anything at all.
JANE
TOWER
GILBERT
TOWER
May I say that I think it is very sensible of you to have
married a woman older than yourself? One of the wisest of
men, Benjamin Franklin, advised it.
GILBERT
Did he?
TOWER
Yes. He lists the advantages.
GILBERT
What does he say they are?
TOWER
Well, as I remember, he says that making a young wife
unhappy is apt to make her bitter, whereas making an older
one . . .
GILBERT
Yes?
TOWER
Is certain to make her grateful! Is Jane grateful?
GILBERT
We're both grateful. We're very happy.
92
JANE
TOWER
{Puts scalpel in a little deeper)
No rift in the lute?
GILBERT
Not a rift.
TOWER
You're luckier than most married people. Well, Gilbert,
you have confounded the prophets who said your marriage
couldn't possibly last.
GILBERT
Only sensible thing I've ever done.
TOWER
(Taking a different tack)
I've been wondering what it is that Jane's peculiar gift
consists of.
GILBERT
Can't be defined. It's just — er — Jane . . .
TOWER
I should like to be a little more precise than that. She is
not given, thank heaven, to epigram. Nor does she get off
brilliant repartees. Do you know what I think it is?
GILBERT
Well — as I say, it's just . . .
93
JANE
TOWER
{Coming in quickly)
Don't say that again, Gilbert, it's not scientific.
GILBERT
Sorry.
TOWER
The explanation is very simple. She just tells the truth.
And in our world this is so unusual that people think it's
outrageously funny!
GILBERT
( With a hint of bitterness )
Jane certainly doesn't mind telling the truth.
TOWER
It was very thoughtless of her, wasn't it, to cost you an
important commission for the dubious luxury of being honest
with Lady St. Earth?
GILBERT
Yes. You see, in my profession connections are everything.
I have become ambitious. In a world of opportunities, I am
an opportunist.
TOWER
You will go far.
GILBERT
I have. I shall go farther.
94
JANE
TOWER
How very odd it is to encounter a completely happy man.
{Delicately) In every way?
GILBERT
{Knows what he means, firmly)
In every way.
TOWER
I see.
GILBERT
I find Jane all-sufficient. She is adorable and amusing. In
fact, she is all I could possibly want.
TOWER
More and more you sound like Benjamin Franklin.
GILBERT
If that is so, then I am prepared to accept your estimate of
him as a wise man.
(jane comes down. It is a new jane. Her iron-gray
hair is cut very short and clustered thickly round
her well-shaped head in tight curls. She has made no
attempt at youth; she wears very little make-up and
her face looks remarkably fresh and clear-skinned. She
wears an audacious evening-dress; on anyone else it
would have almost the appearance of fancy-dress; on
jane it somehow achieves the inevitable simplicity of
nature.)
95
JANE
JANE
William! I had no idea you were back. It is so nice to see
you. Oh, I am delighted.
TOWER
{Amazed at her transformation)
Jane! Is this my Jane?
JANE
Of course it is. We're going to the opera.
TOWER
(To JANE)
Millicent tells me that London regards you as a humorist.
Were you a humorist in Liverpool, Jane?
JANE
Ah, but, William, Liverpool is much more difficult to im-
press than London.
TOWER
Why?
JANE
In Liverpool they are not afraid of being depressed. It
is their birthright. But in London they are so eager to laugh
that they meet you more than half way. They think just com-
ing from Liverpool is funny!
TOWER
Now you mention it y Jane, it has a decided comic as-
pect.
96
JANE
GILBERT
By the way, Jane, we have to decide about the week-end.
We have four invitations already.
JANE
Gilbert can never resist an invitation.
GILBERT
No. I'd like to accept them all. Here's one from Lord
Dumeld.
JANE
That's horses.
TOWER
(To JANE)
How do you get on with the horsey set?
JANE
They're rather simple. I talk to them about easy books
and I pass for an intellectual.
GILBERT
Anson Dykes wants us too.
TOWER
The effervescent historian. How do you get on with him,
Jane?
JANE
I simply let him bubble. He is dazzled with his own iden-
tity.
97
JANE
GILBERT
(To TOWER)
Anson's crazy about Jane. He's dedicating his new book
to her. He tells everybody she's brilliant.
JANE
He thinks me brilliant because I never interrupt him.
GILBERT
(Flipping another invitation in his hand)
Lord Shillinghurst is most anxious. He's got a lovely
place. Let's go to him.
JANE
He is a problem.
TOWER
Why?
JANE
He is a Labor peer, and he is very self-conscious because
he has never been a workingman.
GILBERT
By the way, Jane, I've been around to Belgrave Square
today and got a lot of new ideas. I've been working like mad
on the plans. I'm dying to show you. Why don't you pick
up with Tower where you left off while I go up and get
them? May I?
JANE
All right.
GILBERT
When I first saw you two together Tower was on his knees
before you.
98
JANE
TOWER
I still am.
JANE
Thank you, William.
GILBERT
None of that, now. Remember, I am very jealous, very
possessive!
(He goes upstairs.)
JANE
Well, William!
TOWER
Well, Jane! For a moment I didn't know you.
JANE
I knew you at once.
TOWER
But I haven't changed my tailor. May I say that your
shoulders are beautiful?
JANE
(Glancing down at them impersonally)
Wasn't it clever of Gilbert to see their possibilities?
TOWER
You are unique, and you are radiantly happy. Aren't you?
99
JANE
JANE
I must tell you, William — since our last meeting I have
read you. Millie has all your books and I have plowed through
every one of them.
TOWER
I don't care for the expression "plowed."
JANE
I am a slow reader. No, what I meant to convey was that
I shouldn't try to pretend to you because I can see from your
books that you understand women too well.
TOWER
Does that mean that you are going to confess, to me?
JANE
Only partially. One thing I have discovered — the young
have no conversation.
TOWER
I have just been talking to Gilbert and he is extremely
glib.
JANE
He has no silences.
TOWER
And yet you seem radiantly happy.
JANE
I am. I've been enjoying myself no end. It's very different
from my life in Liverpool.
100
JANE
TOWER
Do I sense a reservation? Is there a rift in the lute?
JANE
If there is, it isn't Gilbert's fault.
TOWER
Is it yours?
JANE
There is something, you know, William, about the dif-
ference in ages. We can learn to speak the language of the
young, but we don't really understand it.
TOWER
Millicent tells me you get on well with Peter.
JANE
Peter is more adventurous than Gilbert.
TOWER
And are you?
JANE
It seems odd to say it, but I think I am. Gilbert is a dear,
but he's a bit ... a bit .. .
TOWER
Well?
JANE
Old-fashioned.
101
JANE
TOWER
Why don't you bring him up to date?
JANE
He is very set in his ways. But I am so glad you came at
this particular moment. I want to talk to you about Ann.
TOWER
Oh, yes. Millicent takes a poor view of your friendship
with Peter.
JANE
I know she does. Yet Ann loves Peter and it will last. I
must say I love him, too. And, William, you must get to
know him.
TOWER
Why doesn't he break loose and marry Ann?
JANE
Because he is already married.
TOWER
(Startled)
What?
JANE
It was a passport marriage. He married this girl in Austria
who was being persecuted because of her father's political
opinions.
TOWER
Did it work out?
102
JANE
JANE
No, they caught up with her at the last minute.
TOWER
Where is this girl now?
JANE
In a prison camp. I saw her.
TOWER
How on earth did you manage that?
JANE
Through Lord Frobisher. He arranged it. It was very kind
of him because personally he cannot bear me.
TOWER
But Millicent . . .
JANE
She mustn't know. She'd only get hysterical and that
wouldn't be at all constructive.
TOWER
What about Ann? Under these circumstances — what pos-
sible future has Ann?
JANE
Ann's future is with Peter. It is the only future she wants.
And if our plans come off . . .
TOWER
What plans?
103
JANE
JANE
I don't want to tell you because if they don't come off
you'd only laugh at me.
TOWER
I promise you I won't do that.
ANN
{Comes running downstairs)
Father! I'm so sorry I'm late!
TOWER
{Kisses her)
The old must learn to wait upon the young. You're look-
ing lovely, darling.
JANE
{Bluntly)
Ann, I've told him.
ANN
{A bit scared)
About — Peter?
JANE
Yes.
ANN
{Quite tense)
Well, how did he take it?
JANE
Not too badly.
TOWER
Don't exaggerate, Jane. I'm not happy about it at all.
104
JANE
ANN
Neither am I. But if Peter hadn't done what he did, he
wouldn't be Peter.
JANE
Ann, I have a feeling that if you take your father into the
garden and have a nice cozy talk with him . . .
ANN
Have you softened him up?
TOWER
I am very much surprised at you, Jane, encouraging my
daughter in this extra-marital alliance.
ANN
{To JANE)
Doesn't he make it sound sordid?
TOWER
That's exactly what it is, young lady. Even if it is sur-
rounded with a murky cloud of altruism.
(tower and ANN go out into the garden.)
JANE
{Goes to the telephone)
Temple Bar 60 double 6, please. May I speak with Lord
Frobisher, please? This is Mrs. Dabney ... Is this Lord Fro-
bisher's secretary? ... I was wondering whether Lord Fro-
bisher received my message . . . Oh, he did . . . Oh, he is.
Thank you very much. Good-bye.
{She hangs up. gilbert has come down during the
conversation; he carries a set of blueprints.)
105
JANE
GILBERT
What do you want with old Allan? Badgering him about
Peter again, to give him a job? You are far too preoccupied
with Peter. Far too much. He isn't worth it. I'm just dying
to show you those plans. Millicent was most enthusiastic about
them.
JANE
Was she?
GILBERT
She said it made her mouth water to think of all the won-
derful parties she could give in a house like that. Now come
here — relax. I'll take you around from room to room; you
won't have to climb a single stair. Personally conducted tour.
(gilbert spreads plan out on floor and gets down on his
knees to show her the details) Oh, Jane, this is going to be
a wonderful setting for you. You see this exquisite circular
staircase?
JANE
It's charming. But who will walk up those stairs?
GILBERT
Crowds.
JANE
An endless succession of what William calls notorious
people.
GILBERT
The notoriouser the better!
106
JANE
JANE
{Laughs)
And I'll have to receive them!
GILBERT
Of course you will!
JANE
What will I do if, instead of receiving them, I feel a tre-
mendous impulse to say: "Please go home!"
GILBERT
You'll say it and they'll only laugh and walk right in.
JANE
I may disappoint you Gilbert — and them.
GILBERT
What nonsense! You're the rage of London.
JANE
What does it mean to be the rage of London? To amuse
mildly a lot of people one doesn't know very well, whom one
doesn't want to know any better, whom one doesn't, in fact,
care very much about.
GILBERT
What difference does all that make, as long as it's fun?
JANE
It has been fun.
107
JANE
GILBERT
Then what are you quibbling about?
JANE
It's the sort of fun that can't last forever
GILBERT
Why not?
JANE
I'm not talking only about us, Gilbert. Don't you know
what is threatening England today — the world today? Don't
you read the papers?
GILBERT
Oh, I read the theatre and society columns once in a while,
especially if we're in it. Also the real-estate transactions. Jane,
put this nonsense out of your head and let's get back to our
house. It's going to be a dream!
JANE
What shall we do in our house?
GILBERT
Well, what does anyone do in a house? Live in it! Enter-
tain! We'll give such wonderful dinner parties that com-
missions will flock to me. In fact, we'll be so chic that the
arrivistes won't feel they've ' arreeved" till we've "inveeted"
them.
( Chuckles at his joke. )
108
JANE
JANE
Gilbert! Can it be that you're a bit of a snob?
GILBERT
{Astonished that she should ask)
But of course I am. What else is there to be? I mean, who
isn't?
JANE
Peter isn't.
GILBERT
I'm perfectly sure he is. In his own grubby circle, I'm cer-
tain he is. Every class has its snobs. It's just a question of
scale.
JANE
So all this is enough for you?
GILBERT
Superabundant.
JANE
Don't you think it's possible that one day you will want
more?
GILBERT
Why not cross that bridge when we come to it?
JANE
Would that be quite fair to me?
109
JANE
GILBERT
Fair?
JANE
When the day of bridge-crossing comes you will have most
of your life ahead of you. I shan't. I don't want to outstay
my welcome. It's a good Liverpool rule of life.
GILBERT
Look — what is all this about?
JANE
I don't want to go on with the plans for our house, Gilbert.
I've thought better of it.
GILBERT
You're not serious?
JANE
Yes, I am perfectly serious.
GILBERT
But, Jane
JANE
I must tell you, Gilbert. You are very ingenious, but not
even you can demolish time nor the necessities of age. I
always used to tell Millie she did too much. And now it's /
who am doing too much. When I look at those plans of
which you're so proud — when I think of the endless succes-
sion of dinner parties and supper parties that you are so
eagerly anticipating — it's then I think longingly of those
110
JANE
evenings in Liverpool, when I sat before my fire in my dress-
ing gown and slippers and read Jane Austen over and over
again.
GILBERT
{Hard)
You mean you are giving it up then?
JANE
(Sighs)
Yes.
GILBERT
This is the second commission you have cost me today!
JANE
The second?
GILBERT
Did you also have to ruin me with Lady St. Earth?
JANE
Have I?
GILBERT
You know very well you have. I was to get a handsome
commission from her and that stupid remark you made about
Anthony Eden killed it!
JANE
I'm sorry.
Ill
JANE
GILBERT
Did you have to go out of your way to insult her?
JANE
I did not go out of my way. She made a silly remark about
a brave man who had just done a very courageous thing.
I told her I did not share her point of view, that's all.
GILBERT
(Very hard)
Well, it cost me a commission!
JANE
I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I'll make it up to you some-
how.
GILBERT
(His voice rises)
I am perfectly aware and so are you what people think
of me — that I married for money. Well, this commission
from Lady St. Earth, which incidentally would have led to
others, would have made me independent of you financially.
JANE
What alternative had I?
GILBERT
The alternative of keeping quiet.
JANE
Am I to suppress everything I feel for fear of offending
112
JANE
those who might offer you commissions? That's a pretty strict
censorship. Do you care to exercise it?
GILBERT
There are other topics. Can't you discuss them?
m
JANE
Just now in England — there are no other topics.
GILBERT
Then you might maintain a distinguished silence!
JANE
That's odd. When we first met, my directness — as you
called it — seemed to amuse you. It amuses you less, I see.
GILBERT
The trouble with you, Jane, is you've never outgrown the
mentality of Liverpool. This is London. Why can't you take
your cue from Millicent? She amuses people without antago-
nizing them.
JANE
Millie is rather like Allan in a way. She's ambitious for a
larger circulation.
WILSON
(Comes in and announces)
Lord Frobisher!
JANE
(Gets up to greet lord frobisher)
Allan!
113
JANE
FROBISHER
Jane!
JANE
How nice of you to come so quickly!
GILBERT
Shall I find Millicent for you?
FROBISHER
I came to see your wife, as a matter of fact. Had to tear
myself away from a cocktail party, where I was having a
very good time. But when I make a date I keep it.
JANE
You're a very kind man.
FROBISHER
That's a base libel.
TOWER
(Comes in from the garden)
Allan!
FROBISHER
Hello, Willie! Back again?
TOWER
How's the elderly adolescent?
FROBISHER
What a memory you have, Willie — for the wrong things!
114
JANE
And what a lucky fellow you are! We stick here in London
undergoing crisis after crisis, while you wander over the world
having adventures! And getting jolly well paid for it, too.
Where was it this time?
GILBERT
He did his laundry in the Ganges.
TOWER
As a matter of fact, I did have an adventure in India. A
profound adventure.
FROBISHER
Who was she?
TOWER
You woudn't in the least understand it, Allan. It was en-
tirely spiritual.
FROBISHER
When anybody talks to me about "spiritual adventures,"
I always think: "What woman have they been turned down
by?"
TOWER
(To JANE)
Isn't he gross?
JANE
(Smiles warmly at FROBISHER)
His bark is worse than his bite.
115
JANE
TOWER
I adore you, Jane. You embrace a cliche with the headlong
passion of first love.
JANE
{Unperturbed)
So often a cliche expresses exactly what I mean. Why
strive for something new?
TOWER
How's your asthma, Allan? {Explains to jane) Allan
always has asthma.
JANE
{To FROBISHER)
I have a most wonderful cure for it. We used it in Liver-
pool. I'll have the prescription sent to you.
FROBISHER
Thank you very much.
JANE
As a matter of fact, I think I might have it upstairs. My
dear Harry suffered from asthma and we found this formula
worked wonders. Gilbert, would you mind going upstairs and
looking for it?
GILBERT
No, not if you can give me some idea, however vague,
where it is.
JANE
I think it's in that morocco case.
116
JANE
GILBERT
That morocco case is as big as a vault, but I'll try.
(He goes upstairs.)
JANE
Thank you.
FROBISHER
( Hypochondriac )
What did your husband die of, Jane?
JANE
(Placidly)
Asthma.
(tower laughs.)
FROBISHER
Says a lot for the remedy, doesn't it?
TOWER
You know, Jane, I've known Allan for nearly thirty years.
And he doesn't seem to change a bit. I find it extremely irri-
tating. How do you manage it, Allan?
FROBISHER
I have two devotions — my body and women. I pay infinite
attention to the requirements of both.
TOWER
Often, I imagine, simultaneously! (To jane) Don't you
think it's shocking, Jane, for an old man like Allan to go on
like that?
117
JANE
JANE
{Smiles at frobisher)
I don't get an impression of age from Allan at all.
TOWER
Do you know how old he is?
JANE
I never think about people's ages. They either seem young
or old to me.
How do I seem to you?
Timeless.
TOWER
JANE
FROBISHER
I believe that if the will to live is strong enough it can
surmount anything — even your asthma cure, Jane. I feel im-
mortal.
{He coughs.)
TOWER
When you say that, Allan, don't cough.
FROBISHER
One thing I got from the English — the cult of sport.
TOWER
You got a good deal more than that — a considerable for-
tune and a title.
118
JANE
FROBISHER
I earned the one and paid for the other.
TOWER
There's a lot to be said for living as you do, Allan. In
youth one's body is the perfect valet — obedient, unobtrusive,
instantly responsive, a perpetual source of gratification. But
at our age one becomes conscious of playing a cat-and-mouse
game with it. You have constantly to outwit it. It becomes
your enemy. It lies in ambush for you. You dodge, you seek
cover, in books, in music, in fantasy, in alcohol. But you
always know it's there, constantly sniping at you. And one
day, any minute in fact, the invisible marksman will get you.
FROBISHER
Well, my body is still my valet.
WILSON
(Enters, announces)
Mr. Crewe.
JANE
Oh, Peter. You remember Mr. Tower, don't you?
PETER
Yes, of course.
TOWER
Nice to see you again.
(They shake hands.)
119
JANE
JANE
And this is Lord Frobisher.
PETER
How do you do, sir?
FROBISHER
This the young feller you spoke to me about, Jane?
JANE
Yes.
FROBISHER
I've read some of your things, my boy, in those bloody
Socialist papers. You wouldn't do for me at all.
PETER
(As if it were the ultimate compliment)
Thank you very much, sir.
TOWER
(Delighted)
Yes, you're quite right to take that as a compliment, Peter.
PETER
I do appreciate your efforts in my behalf, Jane. But actu-
ally the last thing I want to do is to work for Lord Frobisher.
FROBISHER
(Piqued)
Why not?
120
JANE
PETER
I have read your editorials, sir, and I find that you have
an unerring instinct for the wrong conclusions.
FROBISHER
(To JANE)
I am quite familiar with this form of attack. He thinks
it will provoke me into hiring him. He's mistaken.
PETER
(To jane)
Where's Ann?
JANE
She's in the garden.
PETER
Thank you, Jane. Excuse me, please.
(He goes out to the garden.')
FROBISHER
Insufferable brat!
TOWER
But I think he is sincere. I really believe he wouldn't work
for you, Allan — which does indicate a kind of taste.
FROBISHER
One day, Willie, your vogue will end and no one will buy
your books or produce your plays. It happens to all you
fellows. Then you'll be glad to come to me for a job.
121
JANE
TOWER
Then I'll be glad to ask you for one.
FROBISHER
And then I'll refuse.
TOWER
Then I shall burst into tears.
JANE
And now, William, you can go away.
TOWER
Dear Jane, you are so indirect. You must be awfully
anxious to be alone with Allan.
, JANE
I am. I adore Allan.
TOWER
I don't know what it is that Jane wants, but fifty pounds
she gets it. On guard, Allan, on guard! If you find yourself
in a tight corner, one sharp, piercing scream will bring me
in from the garden.
(He goes out.)
JANE
(After a moment, to break the ice)
Have you noticed about William's books? They have every-
thing in them but joie de vivre. They have wit, they have
wisdom, they have pity even, but no joy in just living. Have
you noticed that?
122
Don't read him.
Really?
JANE
FROBISHER
JANE
FROBISHER
He writes far too much and I'm too damn busy.
JANE
I think he's quite an unhappy man.
FROBISHER
I say, do you mind if I pour myself another drink?
Of course not.
Thank you.
JANE
FROBISHER
JANE
Allan, the more I get to know you the more I realize
how little people deserve their reputations.
FROBISHER
Why do you say that? What's my reputation?
JANE
Dreadful.
I deserve it. I enjoy it.
FROBISHER
123
JANE
JANE
I know you enjoy it, but you don't deserve it.
FROBISHER
Don't butter me up. I see through it and I don't like it.
Now tell me what it is you want and let me go. I've got a
date.
JANE
You always have a date.
FROBISHER
I hope you don't mind.
JANE
Not a bit, but it amazes me how in your long life you've
avoided matrimony. How have you done it?
FROBISHER
Really don't know how, to tell you the truth. Somehow all
the women I've ever been attracted to were already married —
or else they were actresses.
JANE
Two interesting groups! Why does a man like you take
pride in so many conquests?
FROBISHER
(Tries to answer honestly)
Well — one wants constantly the assurance that one is still
attractive.
124
JANE
JANE
There must be another reason. The quantity test applied
to love . . .
FROBISHER
What do you mean!
JANE
It must be easier to conquer many than to constantly re-
conquer one. There, one cannot rely on novelty. It's much
more of a test, don't you think?
FROBISHER
Perhaps too much of one!
{Drinks.)
JANE
{With finality)
There's no doubt about it. Men are lazy!
FROBISHER
Lazy? I go to a lot of trouble just to be lazy!
JANE
{Involuntarily)
Poor Allan!
FROBISHER
Why do you say that?
JANE
I find it very touching — that you have never been loved.
125
JANE
FROBISHER
{Irritated)
I do very well. All the girls I want.
JANE
{Mildly)
I suppose the girls do very well, too.
FROBISHER
{Nettled to a degree)
I find you extremely irritating. I want another drink.
JANE
Do you think it's good for you, at your age, to drink so
much?
FROBISHER
{Glowering as he pours himself a stiff one)
Whether it's good for me or not, I'm going to do it!
JANE
Oh, dear! I seem to have antagonized you! And I did so
want you in a friendly mood.
FROBISHER
You haven't got the knack. Tell me what it is you want
and let me go. {Looks at his wrist watch) I'm late now. But
I warn you in advance — whatever it is — I am unlikely to
grant it. The plain truth is, Jane — I don't particularly care
for you.
JANE
I know you don't. That is why it was so kind of you to
help me the first time.
126
JANE
FROBISHER
(His curiosity gets the better of him)
What on earth did you want to visit that prison camp for,
anyway?
JANE
A friend of mine is in it. And now, Allan, I want you to
do more. I want you to get her out.
FROBISHER
That will be quite a chore.
JANE
Of course it's a chore. That's why I've come to you. You're
the only man in England I know who has the energy, the
connections and the power to do it.
FROBISHER
(Flattered)
Is she pretty? (jane laughs) Somehow it's easier to do
things for a woman if she's attractive!
jane
She is attractive. In fact, she meets all your requirements
in a woman. She's lovely, she's an actress and she's married.
FROBISHER
To whom?
JANE
I'll tell you, but I don't want it to go any further.
127
JANE
FROBISHER
Naturally.
(Drinks.)
JANE
She is married to the young man I just introduced you to —
Peter Crewe.
FROBISHER
I thought he was Ann's beau.
JANE
He is. He was never in love with this girl. Now they
both want a divorce so they may go their own ways. This
can't happen unless you get her out.
FROBISHER
(Mulling it over)
There are instances where it's been done. Those mighty
Herrenvolk are corrupt as hell. Might cost you a bit of money!
JANE
I am ready to supply all it will cost. It will be so won-
derful of you to do this for me — especially as you don't like
me very much.
FROBISHER
You're pretty cool!
JANE
(Smiles at him bewitchmgly)
128
JANE
At our age we should be cool, don't you think? I mean —
if not at our age — when?
FROBISHER
(Backs away; in a kind of rage of despair)
Damn it all, Jane, you're the only woman I know who
makes me feel I'm on my last legs!
JANE
Nonsense! You're in an excellent state of preservation.
FROBISHER
My God!
(Makes for liquor table again. )
JANE
I do wish you wouldn't drink so much. You are far too
kind and important a man to kill yourself with drink. I know
all about your condition.
FROBISHER
(Pitifully)
My condition was wonderful — till I came here!
JANE
You forget about your asthma. My dear Harry had it and
he never touched a drop.
FROBISHER
(With desperate defiance)
Your dear Harry died and I don't intend to die!
129
JANE
JANE
We're all mortal.
FROBISHER
(Turns on her in homicidal rage)
I wish you to know that I came here bounding with vitality,
full of the joy of life. Now, thanks to you, I feel something
like rigor mortis!
(He sinks down on the settee, afflicted by a morbid
hypochondria. )
JANE
I didn't mean to be depressing. It's just that I do think at
our age we ought to be careful. There's no reason why you
shouldn't live to be a hundred. Unless, of course . . .
FROBISHER
Unless what?
JANE
Unless you should succumb suddenly due to the over-exer-
tion caused by your — laziness.
FROBISHER
(Completely sunk and a bit maudlin, pleading)
Jane.
Yes, dear?
JANE
(Brightly)
130
JANE
FROBISHER
Jane, would you do something for me?
JANE
{Co-operative)
Oh, anything . . .
FROBISHER
(Sepulchral)
Would you take charge of my funeral arrangements?
JANE
(Laughing)
Oh, that's a long way off.
FROBISHER
I'm sure you'll do it admirably. Admirably.
JANE
Certainly, if you will undertake to do the same for me.
FROBISHER
What the devil are you laughing at?
JANE
I was just thinking — if that regrettable event did occur—'
what I'd put on your tombstone.
FROBISHER
(Mutters wildly)
Still at it — writing my epitaph! Well, let's have it. What is
it?
131
JANE
JANE
Here lies Allan, Lord Frobisher. Died of acute — laziness.
FROBISHER
{Continues shouting)
And a good way too. I hope I go that way. I don't ask for
better.
JANE
You're the most determined rake I ever met. It must be
very exhausting. And I'm not at all sure it's good for your
asthma.
FROBISHER
I wish you to know, Mrs. Dabney ... I wish you to know
that I'll go on living as I have been living. Do you mind?
I'm far too old to change.
JANE
Are you as old as all that?
FROBISHER
{At bay)
Yes, I am!
JANE
I'd hate to be too old to change. Look at me. Look how
I've changed.
FROBISHER
I won't do it. I will not do it!
JANE
What?
132
JANE
FROBISHER
What you asked me. I could do it, probably, if I put my-
self out. But I won't. And do you know why I won't? Because
you asked me. I won't do a damn thing about it.
JANE
Oh, yes, you will. Your kind heart will make you — when
you are sober.
FROBISHER
(Thrashing about)
And don't you write me any more letters. The next letter
you write me I'm going to throw right in the waste-paper
basket.
JANE
This one good deed which you are going to do may be the
most comforting thing in your life to look back on — your
immortality.
FROBISHER
I don't give a good God damn for immortality!
JANE
Don't be blasphemous.
FROBISHER
Not a damn. I live for the moment, do you hear? I don't
give a hoot what comes after me. I shan't be here to see it.
You can decide in your calm way whether you'll have azaleas
or calla lillies at your funeral. But I don't give a damn! At
my funeral they can have ragweed for all I care. Let them
bloody well sneeze their heads off!
133
JANE
TOWER
{Comes in from garden)
Why, Allan, you're as noisy as one of your newspapers!
You're frightening the birds in the garden. They're all
atwitter!
JANE
{Apologizes for him)
Allan has had one too many!
TOWER
What outrageous demand have you made on him, Jane?
And — I am curious to know — did you get it?
FROBISHER
She did not get it! She will never get it!
MRS. TOWER
{Comes down in full evening dress)
Allan! How nice to see you! No one told me you were
here.
TOWER
{With malice)
Allan didn't come to see you, Millicent. He came to see
Jane!
MRS. TOWER
{Annoyed)
I hope I'm not in the way.
JANE
He came to see me on business.
134
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Business? What business could you possibly have with
Allan? (To frobisher) What's the matter, Allan? You
look rather down in the mouth.
TOWER
Allan is swimming in alcoholic melancholy. Did you have
to drive him to drink, Jane, to get what you wanted?
JANE
Allan is a very good man!
FROBISHER
(Clinging to his villainy for dear life)
I am not a good man! I am a bad man!
JANE
I know better.
FROBISHER
Jane, this is my last word to you. If you think you're going
to make a do-gooder out of me you are very much mistaken.
I'm getting no girls out of prison camps — (JANE is aghast)
and especially not for you!
MRS. TOWER
Allan, what are you saying?
FROBISHER
(Points to garden)
That young bounder's wife . . .
135
JANE
MRS. TOWER
What do you mean?
FROBISHER
Your daughter's beau. He's got a Czech wife in a prison
camp and Jane's moving heaven and earth to get her out!
{Confronts jane) Well, I won't get her out. If that young
whippersnapper wants her out, why doesn't he do it himself?
Why doesn't he storm the Bastille? Maybe he's henpecked
and doesn't want her out. This is my last word to you, Mrs.
Dabney! Good day!
{He strides to the hall. When he gets there he meets
gilbert, who has come down with the prescription
in his hand. )
GILBERT
Here you are, Allan. I've found dear Harry's prescription.
FROBISHER
I no longer need it. Your dear wife has already buried me
without it. {He points to an imaginary plot of ground and is
consumed by alcoholic pity as he contemplates his grave-
stone) I'm lying there — right beside Harry!
{He goes out.)
MRS. TOWER
{Recovering her senses)
What did he say? What did he say, Willie? Did he say
wife?
136
JANE
TOWER
He certainly said wife.
MRS. TOWER
My God! Peter is a bigamist. That's why he wouldn't ask
Ann to marry him! Because he is a bigamist!
TOWER
My dear Millicent, if he were a bigamist he would have
asked Ann to marry him.
MRS. TOWER
And you knew it, Jane, you knew it all the time.
JANE
Yes. I'm afraid I did.
MRS. TOWER
I always knew there was something wrong with that young
man — right from the beginning. Who knows how many
wives he's got? And this one a jailbird, too! Where is he?
Let me just . . . Where is he?
TOWER
In the garden with Ann.
MRS. TOWER
A cad like that has the effrontery to be in my garden!
TOWER
My dear Millicent, if you're going to start a campaign to
eliminate cads from gardens, you will have your hands full.
137
JANE
JANE
Millie, dear . . .
MRS. TOWER
Don't call me that! I see a lot of things now . . . your
insulting my best friends . . . your peculiar ways . . . I've had
about as much as I can stand. You are my guest . . .
JANE
I am more than your guest. I am your sister-in-law!
MRS. TOWER
That's hot enough! {Turns to gilbert) Gilbert! Why
don't you exert your marital authority — what's left of it\
GILBERT
I must say, Jane, that I'm entirely on Millicent's side.
JANE
Yes, I know you are.
GILBERT
Moreover, I'm in no mood for the opera. I simply couldn't
cope with all those Rhine maidens tonight! (To tower) You
know, Mr. Tower, I'm beginning to think that your friend
Benjamin Franklin is vastly over-rated.
TOWER
Why?
GILBERT
He said — they'd be grateful. My God! Grateful!
(He goes upstairs in a pet.)
138
JANE
MRS. TOWER
What did he mean by that? Is Mr. Franklin building a
house, too?
TOWER
Not this season, Millicent!
JANE
Millie, dear, I know that you're very angry with me.
MRS. TOWER
That's putting it mildly.
JANE
But I'm going to ask you to do something for me. I know
Gilbert has set his heart on going to the opera. It's an open-
ing night and he does so love to be seen. Why don't you
make him go with you? You're looking so lovely and you'll
see all your friends in the intermission. And when Gilbert
comes home he will have forgotten how upset he is with
me.
MRS. TOWER
You don't deserve it! {Abruptly) Where are the tickets?
JANE
Here.
{She gives them to her.)
MRS. TOWER
I don't know why I'm sacrificing myself for you.
139
JANE
JANE
Because you're an angel.
MRS. TOWER
I suppose that must be it. I must confess, Mr. Richard
Wagner gives me the fidgets — but the intermissions are rather
fun. (With a twinge of martyrdom) Still — think what you
have to go through to get to them!
(She goes upstairs.)
TOWER
Millicent seems to have completely forgotten that she was
to dine with me. May I take you to dinner, Jane?
JANE
That would be lovely. I'm very hungry.
TOWER
To borrow your favorite word — it will be cozy.
FROBISHER
(His voice is heard booming off stage)
All right, Wilson, you needn't announce me.
(He is back again.)
JANE
Why, Allan — what have you come back for? I thought you
had a date.
FROBISHER
I did. Thanks to you I've missed it. You not only ruined
140
JANE
my afternoon — you've ruined my evening! Willie, I'd even
go to dinner with you!
TOWER
I've asked Jane to go to dinner with me. Won't you join
us? {Can't resist the final barb) With you around, Jane will
appreciate me all the more.
FROBISHER
{Defiantly)
I'll take my chances!
JANE
{As she looks from one to the other)
Oh, it will be such a relief for once . . .
TOWER
What?
JANE
{As the two men flank her she links her arms through theirs)
To spend an evening with two men of my own age!
They start off gaily as the curtain falls.
141
ACT THREE
ACT THREE
Scene: The same.
Time: Ten days later. Late afternoon.
At rise: JANE, her shoes off and wearing glasses, is prop-
ped up on pillows on the settee reading peter's poems.
TOWER comes in.
TOWER
Forgive me for disturbing you, Jane.
JANE
You don't disturb me in the least. I'm just reading Peter's
poems. Have you read them?
TOWER
Yes, I have.
JANE
What do you think of them?
TOWER
One day he will write excellent prose.
JANE
I must say they're a bit over my head. They're so full of
Greek and Latin phrases. How many languages that boy
knows!
TOWER
Eventually he may even conquer English.
145
JANE
JANE
Now William, you mustn't be bitter. He's going to be
your son-in-law.
TOWER
It is that I came to see you about, Jane.
JANE
(Sits up)
I can't see too much of you, William. You always give me
a fresh point of view.
TOWER
I'm afraid that the point of view you will get today is
hardly fresh — rather conventional, in fact. I find that as a
father, I am conventional.
JANE
Oh, you come as a father?
TOWER
Yes. As a father, I feel about the same as any other father.
I want Ann to make a reasonably good marriage.
JANE
I feel sure that Peter has a future.
TOWER
Perhaps. It is his present that worries me. You're a practical
woman, and you know as well as I do that there are very few
calamities in life in which the possession of money is not a
mitigation.
146
JANE
JANE
I believe in Peter. If one can't believe in the possibilities of
human nature, what can one believe in?
TOWER
I am a skeptic, not a believer.
JANE
The more I get to know you, the more I understand why
in your stories the wives are always murdering the hus-
bands.
TOWER
You do me an injustice. Often the husbands murder the
wives. But to return to Ann. As I am leaving England for
rather a long time, I appeal to you to help get her out of
this impossible situation.
JANE
I don't think it is an impossible situation.
TOWER
Isn't it obvious that so long as Peter's wife remains in a
prison camp there can be no possible future for Ann?
JANE
I'm taking steps to get her out.
TOWER
And what if she does get out? What happens then?
147
JANE
JANE
(After a moment)
I am going to adopt Peter's wife.
TOWER
(Stares at her)
Adopt her? Why?
JANE
For one thing, it will make it easier for her to stay in this
country. And for another, I haven't any children of my
own. So why shouldn't I?
TOWER
Good God! Won't that make Ann's position even more
anomalous?
JANE
Peter will get a divorce.
TOWER
(Testily)
You are a really determined matchmaker, aren't you?
JANE
(With a gleam)
No, Ann is.
TOWER
(After a moment's reflection)
But Gilbert? How will Gilbert enjoy all this, do you
think?
148
JANE
JANE
I don't know. I haven't told him yet.
TOWER
If I know Gilbert he won't care for it one bit. You might
lose him.
JANE
{Tranquilly)
I have anticipated that also ( tower is extremely interested
in this) Gilbert is bound to leave me sooner or later. I never
expected this to last forever.
TOWER
{With quick revelation)
So that's the way the land lies! I see!
JANE
What do you see?
TOWER
It's happened already, has it?
JANE
What?
TOWER
Gilbert is leaving you.
JANE
{Quite content with this interpretation)
Millie always predicted it, didn't she?
149
JANE
TOWER
Poor Jane! My sympathy!
JANE
Thank you, William.
TOWER
What will Gilbert do?
JANE
I hope he will marry again — a girl of his own age — and
be very happy.
TOWER
It seems to me you are amazingly calm about it!
JANE
Since it's inevitable, why fret?
TOWER
You appear to be an extraordinary mixture, Jane, of the
Oracle of Delphi and Dale Carnegie.
WILSON
(Comes in)
Excuse me, madam. Mr. Peter Crewe on the telephone for
you.
JANE
Thank you, Wilson, I'll speak to him from my room. (As
she goes to stairs) You're not going right away, are you,
William?
150
JANE
TOWER
No, I want to see Ann.
JANE
{From stair landing)
Good. I do so enjoy talking to you! I know dimly who the
Oracle of Delphi was — but Dale Carnegie . . . Wasn't he an
American who spawned libraries and didn't he hate books?
{She goes up.)
MRS. TOWER
{Comes in from library)
Well, Willie — did you get anywhere with her?
TOWER
I'm afraid not.
MRS. TOWER
{Bursting with righteous indignation)
She's responsible! She's responsible for this whole wretched
affair. She's got Ann under her spell. And what infuriates
me to madness is that she acts as if everything were milk
and honey between us. I haven't spoken to her for weeks.
But she pays no attention. She's got no pride. I never met a
woman with so little pride.
TOWER
{Can't resist having a little fun)
Still, Millicent, I have a bit of news that may interest
you.
151
JANE
MRS. TOWER
( Long-suffering )
It can't be good news and I can't stand any more bad
news. What is it?
TOWER
It's about Jane and Gilbert.
MRS. TOWER
{Avid)
What about Jane and Gilbert?
TOWER
{Doling it out slowly)
Your prediction has come true, I'm afraid.
MRS. TOWER
{Quivering with joyful anticipation)
What prediction? You mean . . . that Gilbert will . . .
Now don't tantalize me, Willie! What is it?
TOWER
{Crisply)
Gilbert is leaving Jane.
MRS. TOWER
{Gasps with joy)
No! Willie! No!
TOWER
{With Mephistophelian glee)
Yes! Sad, isn't it?
152
JANE
MRS. TOWER
{Ecstatic)
It's happened! It's happened at last!
TOWER
Don't be so depressed about it.
MRS. TOWER
Did she tell you?
TOWER
I nudged it out of her.
MRS. TOWER
(A freshet of joy)
What did I tell you, Willie? It was inevitable — I said so
from the beginning. And now it's happened! It's happened
at last!
TOWER
Always pleasant to have a prophecy fulfilled, isn't it?
MRS. TOWER
(Now feels she can be generous)
Poor Jane! She'll be heartbroken! Is she heartbroken?
TOWER
I didn't make an anatomical examination, but superfi-
cially she appears to take it quite philosophically.
153
JANE
MRS. TOWER
{Dramatizing to the hilt)
Abandoned! Abandoned at her age! You must be very
nice to her.
TOWER
I shall lift gallantry to its zenith.
MRS. TOWER
{Quivering with curiosity and joy)
But for who, Willie? Jane — for who?
TOWER
Millicent, your melancholy is playing havoc with your
syntax.
MRS. TOWER
You know perfectly well what I mean. Obviously Gilbert
is leaving Jane for somebody — but for who?
TOWER
Jane didn't tell me.
MRS. TOWER
{Aggrieved)
Didn't you pump her?
TOWER
I didn't wish to compound her grief,
154
JANE
MRS. TOWER
{The crusade of her life)
I'll find out. Leave it to me. I'll find out.
TOWER
I leave it to you with confidence.
MRS. TOWER
If she won't tell me, Gilbert will, (gilbert is coming
down the stairs) I'll find out from Gilbert . . . I'll . . .
(GILBERT comes in, headlong in flight. MRS. TOWER is forced
to stop abruptly) Oh — Gilbert!
GILBERT
Hello, Millicent. Delighted to hear my name in your con-
versation.
MRS. TOWER
{Brimming with consolation)
Dear Gilbert!
GILBERT
What is this tone? It implies bereavement. I haven't been
bereaved — not that I know of.
MRS. TOWER
Dear Gilbert!
GILBERT
{Mystified)
I say! Is somebody dead? Anyone I know?
155
JANE
TOWER
{Mischievous; determined to exploit the possibilites
of the situation)
On the contrary, Gilbert, far from anyone's having died,
someone is about to come to life. My congratulations!
GILBERT
On what?
TOWER
On the forthcoming addition to your family!
GILBERT
What?
MRS. TOWER
(Transfixed with horror)
What did you say, Willie?
TOWER
(Casually)
Just what I said, Millicent. There is to be an addition to
Jane and Gilbert's family.
GILBERT
What do you mean?
MRS. TOWER
How do you know?
TOWER
Jane just announced it.
156
JANE
MRS. TOWER
{Shrieks)
It's a trick! It's a contemptible trick — to hold you, Gilbert.
GILBERT
What on earth are you talking about?
MRS. TOWER
Isn't that just like Jane! I always knew she was calculat-
ing. And now she's desperate! At her age! Gilbert, how could
you!
GILBERT
This is very odd, you know . . .
MRS. TOWER
It's madness! At her age! She'll never survive! You should
have thought of that, Gilbert. Do you mean to say you
didn't know?
GILBERT
I didn't and I still don't.
TOWER
{Solemnly)
You soon will, Gilbert. Jane is going to tell you.
MRS. TOWER
Obviously you can't leave her now. You're sunk!
157
JANE
GILBERT
(Confronts tower)
Willie, did Jane tell you that I was going to leave her?
TOWER
She did.
MRS. TOWER
If there's one thing in the world I despise, it's a woman
who has a baby in order to hold a man.
TOWER
(Wickedly)
It didn't succeed when you tried it, Millicent, but perhaps
it will with Jane.
MRS. TOWER
Willie! Did Jane tell you this or didn't she?
TOWER
She certainly did. And if there is one thing Jane doesn't
do it's lie.
MRS. TOWER
There you are, Gilbert. What about it?
GILBERT
It's absurd! Jane knows my views on the subject of babies.
I'm a Malthusian and babies are wasted on me.
158
JANE
MRS. TOWER
Can't a Malthusian have a baby? What's a Malthusian
anyway?
GILBERT
I believe that the human race invariably does the wrong
thing and therefore I do not believe in adding to its num-
bers. There are far too many people in the world now.
MRS. TOWER
There's going to be one more!
GILBERT
Willie, have you been pulling Millicent's leg?
TOWER
In the interest of accuracy — Jane did tell me there was
to be an addition to your family. But she did not say that
she meant to provide that addition personally. She means
to adopt it.
MRS. TOWER
(Her head swimming)
Adopt!
GILBERT
Adopt?
Adopt.
TOWER
159
JANE
GILBERT
Who?
MRS. TOWER
Why?
TOWER
Which question would you like me to answer first?
GILBERT
Who?
TOWER
(Simply)
Peter's wife.
GILBERT
(Sees the whole thing now)
Of course — Peter's wife.
MRS. TOWER
Peter's wife?
MAID
(Comes down stairs)
Excuse me, sir, Miss Ann would like to know if you can
go upstairs to see her for a minute.
TOWER
Certainly. (As he goes — to gilbert) I'll say this for Jane
— with you for a husband and a girl of about your age for a
160
JANE
daughter, you'll make a most engaging family group.
(He goes upstairs.)
MRS. TOWER
(Wastes no time)
Are you going to stand for this, Gilbert?
GILBERT
I never heard anything so high-handed! To fasten this
grubby girl on me along with everything else . . .
MRS. TOWER
Then why do you stand for it?
GILBERT
This time Jane has gone a bit too far!
MRS. TOWER
Gilbert, don't you think you ought to face the fact?
GILBERT
Which one?
MRS. TOWER
That you and Jane don't speak the same language. She'll
never belong to our world. Never! She's a foreigner!
GILBERT
I'm beginning to realize that. As a matter of fact, I knew
it all the time but I never let myself face it. Still — if I do
161
JANE
leave Jane it will give me a feeling of being left rather high
and dry.
MRS. TOWER
Nonsense! You have all the attributes of success. Great
success! You're young and attractive and clever. You're an
artist.
GILBERT
You are so kind. You are the kindest woman in the world.
MRS. TOWER
It isn't kindness to do things for someone one's fond of —
for someone as beguiling as you. You know there has al-
ways been an unexpressed sympathy and warmth between
us.
GILBERT
( Who begins to see a new haven )
That night we went to the opera — wasn't it fun?
MRS. TOWER
Heaven! I enjoyed myself so much it didn't seem like the
opera at all. That's what I say; we speak the same language.
Why, even Allan, he's not . . .
GILBERT
I thought you adored Allan.
MRS. TOWER
I used to, but he's just a habit — a crude habit. Now, you —
162
JANE
you're sensitive. I love sensitive people. They make me blos-
som.
GILBERT
Dear Millicent . . .
MRS. TOWER
You will be the most welcome guest in this house. And
I'll see that you get all the commissions you want. I see no
reason why you shouldn't design my dresses for me — for as
long as Willie can afford to pay for them. (She laughs at
her own wit) But there — I expect Jane will get you back
no matter what I say.
GILBERT
Not this time, she won't. I promise you, Millicent.
MRS. TOWER
Oh, yes, she will. She'll twist you around her meddlesome
little finger. (JANE is coming downstairs unseen by them)
She'll chirp at you in her bird-like voice — all flutes and
harps . . .
JANE
(As she comes in)
Why, Millie — you make me sound like a little symphony!
Dear Jane . . .
MRS. TOWER
(Turns and sees her)
163
JANE
JANE
Dear Millie .
MRS. TOWER
Oh, Jane! My heart goes out to you!
JANE
Does it? Why?
MRS. TOWER
I don't really know why, but it does. I can understand
people being shocked by the unexpected — but why when it's
inevitable? But don't say I didn't warn you. Thank God,
my conscience is clear!
(She goes upstairs.)
JANE
(To GILBERT)
What have you been telling Millie?
GILBERT
I haven't been doing the talking. You have.
JANE
I have?
GILBERT
Yes, to Willie. About this crazy idea of yours to adopt
Peter's wife. Are you serious about it?
JANE
Perfectly serious.
164
JANE
GILBERT
It seems to be your fixed determination to make me ridi-
culous.
JANE
Why will it do that?
GILBERT
She's my age. Won't it seem a bit odd?
JANE
If I can stand it — you can.
GILBERT
Look here, Jane, when I married you I thought you were
sensible. I had no idea your head was full of sentimental,
outmoded ideas.
JANE
Such as?
GILBERT
Such as that idotic journey you took on our honeymoon.
Suppose you do get that dreary girl out? There will be mil-
lions left. Are you going to adopt all of them?
JANE
(Quietly)
One does what one can.
GILBERT
The drug of altruism. Very satisfying to the ego.
165
JANE
JANE
{Studying him anew)
You're hard, aren't you?
GILBERT
I'm realistic and not sentimental.
JANE
You're selfish, aren't you?
GILBERT
That word is also ridden with sentimentality. Of course I'm
selfish. Everybody is selfish. It's a contradiction in terms to
say that one is not selfish. Look at the word itself — it means
a consciousness and a preoccupation with one's self. Well,
one's self is all one has and all one knows. Can one get out
of one's self? Only by dying. The use of the word as a term
of reproach makes me sick. Anybody who says he isn't selfish
is either a liar or a hypocrite. It's the slogan of the reformers
who use it to satisfy their own self-esteem! (She remains
silent. He looks at her a moment) Jane! What's the matter?
(She says nothing; she is staring ahead of her) You are in a
trance. Jane! What's the matter?
I was just wondering .
Yes?
Never mind.
JANE
GILBERT
JANE
166
JANE
GILBERT
But — tell me though . . .
JANE
I was just wondering if . . .
GILBERT
Well?
JANE
If you're not too old for me!
(tower comes down.)
GILBERT
{Can't believe his ears)
If I'm what? (Aware that he has an alternative with
millicent; coldly) You know, Jane, I think you're probably
quite right. {With a glance at tower on stair landing) And
as you find me too old for you, you are now perfectly at
liberty to marry someone younger!
(He goes out through hall. The outer door slams.)
tower
That sounded very final.
jane
It is.
tower
Are you unhappy?
167
JANE
JANE
No. I think I'm rather relieved. Poor Gilbert — I can't blame
him. He's given me so much gaiety and fun. He's shown me
a kind of life I have never known before. I'm very grateful to
him, really.
TOWER
Then Benjamin Franklin was right after all.
WILSON
(Comes in and announces)
Lord Frobisher.
JANE
Allan, I'm so glad to see you.
FROBISHER
(Very down in the mouth, disagreeably)
Thank you, Jane.
TOWER
What's the matter, Allan? You look liverish.
FROBISHER
I came here to see Jane on business. Jane, what's wrong
with that husband of yours?
JANE
Why?
FROBISHER
As I got out of my car he bounded out of the front door,
168
JANE
stared me straight in the face and said: "My God! Too old
for her! "
TOWER
Allan, you must be very tender with Jane.
FROBISHER
Why?
TOWER
{Dramatically)
She is bereft, abandoned. Gilbert is deserting her.
FROBISHER
Serves her right.
JANE
{Mildly)
Allan that's not very gallant.
FROBISHER
On you, Mrs. Dabney, to exercise gallantry would be like
singing madrigals to a deaf-mute!
TOWER
You know, Jane, Allan is so rude I think he must be very
taken with you.
JANE
I would like that to be true, because, as a matter of fact,
I'm very taken with Allan.
169
JANE
TOWER
(Carrying on the situation he sees developing)
And now that you're going to be free again, Jane, the
field is open, isn't it? I was just thinking — it might be very
amusing to be married to you, Jane. It would certainly keep
one on one's mettle.
(jane and tower exchange looks. Now that he has
thrown out the hint, tower cannot resist exploring
its possibilities, jane plays along with him.)
JANE
Thank you, William. I can return the compliment. It
would be fascinating to be married to you.
FROBISHER
(To JANE)
Marry Willie! Last man on earth for anyone to marry.
JANE
Why, Allan?
TOWER
Why, indeed? I feel a reckless impulse to propose to you,
Jane.
JANE
Why suppress it?
TOWER
But I can't propose to you in front of Allan.
170
JANE
JANE
Why not? It might give him some idea of how it's done.
It's the one form of approach in which he's had very little
experience.
TOWER
(In complete cahoots with her)
You wouldn't seriously consider marrying Allan, would
you?
JANE
(A glance at tower, then a look at frobisher. She
nudges frobisher farther along on the sofa to make
room for tower. )
Let's talk about it! (tower edges himself in beside her.
The three sit in a row very close together) Now, William —
why not?
TOWER
For one thing, Allan's scarcely housebroken.
JANE
(Demurely)
That would give me something to do.
TOWER
I could offer you a more advanced form of occupation.
JANE
Could you, William? What would it be?
171
JANE
FROBISHER
(Very jealous actually)
I hope it happens! You deserve each other. The coldest
man in England . . .
JANE
Oh, I think you're wrong there, Allan. I think William is
very emotional, really.
FROBISHER
(Scornfully)
That's a joke!
JANE
You, Allan, are passionate. William is emotional.
FROBISHER
You deserve each other. I'll go to your wedding and laugh
my head off!
TOWER
Pagliacci! (To JANE) Obviously he is so annoyed at the
prospect, he must really be interested in you. His is not an
original mind and the fact that I'm involved makes him feel
that perhaps there are possibilities in you he hadn't suspected.
(He takes jane's hand.)
JANE
You are naughty, William. Don't mind him, Allan. He is
a dramatist and he cannot resist what he considers a "situa-
tion."
172
JANE
TOWER
(He gets up)
I certainly can't resist this one! I'll give you exactly five
minutes, Allan. Get rid of your business with Jane, during
which time I shall collect my thoughts in the garden. Then
I shall return and propose to Jane with consummate grace
and ultimate efficiency!
(He blows her a kiss and goes into the garden.)
JANE
(At once)
Now, Allan — any news?
FROBISHER
Yes. I've done it. The girl is out.
JANE
(Moved)
Really?
FROBISHER
In fact she arrives in London at seven o'clock this evening.
Once I get started I work pretty fast. That's what I came
to tell you. Somebody 'd better go to Croydon to meet her.
JANE
(Her hand on his arm)
Bless you!
FROBISHER
Jane, I wish to make one thing very clear. (He removes
173
JANE
her hand) I did not do this for you!
JANE
Well, whoever you did it f or . . .
FROBISHER
In fact, last time I left you I was determined not to do it.
Absolutely determined.
JANE
What made you change your mind?
FROBISHER
It was that bloody German Ambassador. He got my back
up.
JANE
I can't thank you enough. I shan't attempt to.
FROBISHER
Since I didn't do it for you, you're under no obligation to
thank me. {Awkwardly) May I crave your indulgence and
pour myself a drink?
JANE
{Warmly)
You've earned the right to all your indulgences.
FROBISHER
{With bitterness)
I may have earned the right — but thanks to you — I've lost
the knack!
174
JANE
JANE
What do you mean?
FROBISHER
When I look back at my life before I met you, it seems
like the Green Pastures.
JANE
Were you really happy, Allan, or were you just busy?
FROBISHER
I was happy! Damned happy. {Pitifully) Jane, please let
me keep the good times I had in the past.
JANE
Of course, Allan, if you cherish them.
FROBISHER
{Brooding into his glass)
Ever since you made that first remark .
JANE
What remark?
FROBISHER
About my being an elderly adolescent
JANE
I'll never say it again.
175
JANE
FROBISHER
(Angrily)
But you think it! You damn well think it!
JANE
No, I don't. I think you're the sweetest, the kindest, the
dearest . . .
FROBISHER
(In a fury)
For pity's sake, Jane, don't drown me in the milk of human
kindness. I'm a selfish, egotistical, sadistic, malevolent man.
I am vulgar and sensual and ambitous. And I enjoyed it all —
till I met you. I wish to God, Jane, you'd go back to Liver-
pool and your tea-cozies!
JANE
Actually, that is exactly what I am going to do.
FROBISHER
(Feels a twinge at this but turns on her to cover it)
You're a menace!
JANE
A menace?
FROBISHER
You've undermined me!
JANE
Undermined you?
176
JANE
FROBISHER
With girls. I've lost my knack.
JANE
Perhaps you've just lost the impulse.
FROBISHER
I have as much impulse as ever. (Bridling) What are
you suggesting?
JANE
I'm putting the most charitable interpretation on it.
FROBISHER
(Indigo)
Lost my confidence. Called up a girl today to ask her to
go to dinner tonight. She had another date! Never happened
before. I'm self-conscious. I think now when I call 'em
up...
JANE
What do you think?
FROBISHER
I think "Bloody old fool, what do you think you're doing?"
It's you, Jane! It's you have done that. I'll never forgive you
for k\
JANE
Dear Allan. Perhaps you're growing up.
177
JANE
FROBISHER
{Piling up the indictment)
And not only that . . .
JANE
More?
FROBISHER
Yes, more. What you said the other day . . .
JANE
What did I say the other day?
FROBISHER
That the girls were only interested because I did well by
them. That I've never been loved for myself alone.
JANE
I couldn't have said that.
FROBISHER
But you did — you did say it.
JANE
Well, if I did I was mistaken or I was lying. ( With tender-
ness) Because you are loved for yourself alone, Allan, and
no one knows that better than I do.
(He has no comprehension of what she means by
this.)
178
JANE
FROBISHER
(Vindictively)
Still, you're getting a bit of your own back, aren't you?
JANE
How?
FROBISHER
That young bounder's deserting you. Married you for your
money and now he's quitting you. He's leaving you high
and dry. What are you going to do now, All-Wise, All-Seeing
Jane? What are you going to do now?
JANE
Marry someone of my own age — if I can find him.
FROBISHER
(This starts a new spiral of suspicion; he backs away a step)
If you can find him . . .
JANE
Yes. I'd have to find him first, wouldn't I?
FROBISHER
I see.
(Backs away another step.)
JANE
What do you see?
FROBISHER
I know you well enough to realize that when you announce
179
JANE
a hope, it's probably already a fact! When you say you want
to marry someone of your own age . . . ( With a quick look
toward the garden) Oh, my God! Of course — Tower! How
stupid of me not to realize it before . . . how stupid ... (He
laughs uncontrollably) Now I understand why he's here all
the time. Why did he come back from India?
JANE
I imagine when you're in India, there comes a moment
when you leave it.
FROBISHER
You're too shrewd to let Gilbert go without having some-
body to go to.
JANE
I adore William.
FROBISHER
(In a jealous dither)
Obviously.
JANE
(This is all playing beautifully into her hands)
He's the most fascinating man I've ever met. Imagine
going to Malaya and all those remote places and seeing them
through his eyes. Still, he's rather complicated. Perhaps it
would be safer to marry a simple man — like you!
FROBISHER
(Aghast)
Oh, my God!
180
JANE
JANE
What if I have set my heart on marrying you?
FROBISHER
Now I do want a drink!
{He runs to liquor table and pours himself a quick
one.)
JANE
{To his back)
It's true I'm not an actress but I am married. Doesn't
that appeal to you, Allan?
FROBISHER
Please, Jane, don't say that!
TOWER
{Returns from the garden, watch in hand)
Clear out, Allan. Your five minutes are up.
FROBISHER
{Goes quickly to him in a kind of panic)
Willie, you're always going some place. Where are you
going this time?
TOWER
Tibet.
FROBISHER
Will you take me with you?
TOWER x
I'm afraid you'd be bored.
181
JANE
FROBISHER
I might be bored, but I'd be safe!
JANE
Really, William, for a professional Don Juan, your friend
Allan is the most easily frightened man I've ever met.
FROBISHER
(In extremis)
I'd rather be frightened than trapped. I'm going to my
club for a drink.
JANE
(To tower)
Also, your friend Allan drinks too much.
FROBISHER
(Shouting defiantly)
Also, Mrs. Dabney — I am going to call up a girl!
(He rushes out.)
JANE
(Calling after him)
Good luck! (The front door slams hard) Poor Allan!
TOWER
Why do you say that? The old reprobate's done awfully
well for himself with his photographs, his undigested editor-
ials and his peculiar buffoon-like charm. Undeniably, he has
charm.
182
JANE
JANE
He's no fool. He knows what people think of him. He's
sensitive.
TOWER
He's vain.
JANE
You don't like him, do you?
TOWER
The odd thing is, I do. I don't expect people to be better
than they are.
JANE
You have an extraordinary detachment.
TOWER
So have you, Jane. That's what attracts me to you.
JANE
What a pity your marriage didn't work! Is there really
no hope for you and Millie?
TOWER
I have made very serious mistakes in my life. Many of
them have come from my abnormal inability to cause other
people pain. The truth is, my marriage with Millicent was
no good the moment it occurred.
183
JANE
WILSON
{Comes in)
Excuse me, Madam, Mr. Crewe is here.
JANE
Oh, yes, I sent for him. Come on in, Peter.
(peter comes in.)
TOWER
Peter, I have done everything I could to discourage Ann
from going on with you, but I have to acknowledge com-
plete failure.
PETER
Well, sir, you have so much success in other fields.
TOWER
Don't be contemptuous, Peter. I have read all your poems,
even if they are almost unreadable, and I detect something
in them that may one day make you a success.
PETER
{Pleased)
Awfully glad you think so, Mr. Tower.
ANN
{Comes downstairs)
Peter! Well, Jane, any news?
JANE
Wonderful news! Peter, your wife's in England!
184
JANE
ANN
Jane!
PETER
I can't believe it. It's impossible!
TOWER
Not for Jane.
JANE
I didn't do it. Lord Frobisher did.
PETER
Really?
JANE
I know you put Lord Frobisher under a reactionary label.
But in spite of his political opinions, he can respond to a hu-
man situation.
PETER
I suppose that's the essential difference between us and the
dictators. Even if we disapprove of someone we allow them
to live. All right, Jane, you win. As you say he is kind, I shall
allow Lord Frobisher to live.
TOWER
I congratulate you on your tolerance, my boy. (He solemn-
ly shakes hands with peter. )
JANE
Thanks to Allan, your wife arrives at Croydon at seven
185
JANE
o'clock this evening. You must go to the airport to meet
her. Both of you.
PETER
I'll never forget what you've done for us, Jane. Neither
will Maria.
JANE
She is about to become my daughter, isn't she? Hurry
along.
ANN
Good-bye, Jane. We'll telephone from the airport.
(As they start out, tower calls ANN back.)
TOWER
Ann.
Yes, Dad?
ANN
(Returning)
TOWER
Will you accept my blessing? And you, Peter? Will you
accept it, too? (Holds out his hand to peter, who takes it)
Can you find it in your hearts to be generous to the defeated?
(tower embraces ANN.)
PETER
(Simply)
Thank you very much, Mr. Tower. Please don't think me
186
JANE
superior; because, although I couldn't afford to admit it to
my own advanced circle, I do admire you very much. (A
moment and then peter pulls Ann's hand) Come on!
(They go out. tower looks after them.)
JANE
(Her eyes on tower)
William, I believe you are quite moved.
TOWER
The young are very touching. They don't know what's
ahead of them. We oldsters are moved by them because we
do know. We remember our own youth, our hopes, and how
life has slaughtered them.
JANE
Rubbish! You haven't done so badly.
TOWER
That remark, my dear Jane, is superficial. But I wasn't
joking just now when I said I thought Allan was attracted
to you. As a matter of fact, I believe he's in love with you.
JANE
I think he is — but he's terrified.
TOWER
Shall we knock him out of his panic?
JANE
(Looks at him fondly for a moment)
187
JANE
Shall we? {Impulsively puts her arms around tower and
kisses him) I adore you, William.
FROBISHER
{Bolts in, sees this)
Quite lovey-dovey, aren't you? I won't have it, Jane!
You can't do this to me!
JANE
What can't I do to you?
FROBISHER
You can't undermine me and then abandon me!
JANE
What happened to that girl you went to telephone? Was
she out?
She was in.
Well?
Lost my knack!
FROBISHER
{In deep depression)
JANE
FROBISHER
{Sepulchral)
JANE
Don't be depressed, Allan. Call up another one. You know
so many.
188
JANE
TOWER
(Starts in at once)
Allan, your coming in this minute is most inopportune.
I was just about to propose to Jane. Will you please go into
the garden and wait?
FROBISHER
(Savage)
I will not go in the garden. I have hay fever and gardens
are death to me!
TOWER
It's very difficult with you prowling about. (To jane)
How can I do a polished job with that morose buffalo sitting
there?
JANE
Never mind him. Rely on your own technique. I'm sure
you'll do a very good job.
(Takes pillow and throws it in front of TOWER for
him to propose from. )
TOWER
(Acknowledges the courtesy)
Thank you. I'll try, but don't expect my best. (He starts
to kneel down but the pint in his knee pains him and he
winces) Oh! (jane assists him to his knees) Now Jane,
my career is the victory of character over circumstance. So in
a sense is yours. Shall we merge forces?
189
JANE
JANE
Together we might have too much character. Don't you
think we ought to distribute some of it?
FROBISHER
(Morosely)
I pity those that get it!
TOWER
Allan, I must ask you please not to interrupt. (Resuming,
to jane) You remember, Jane, I once told you that as I'm
walking on one side of Bond Street I am irked by the wish to
be on the other? I think that with you . . . (Takes her hand)
I would be content to remain on your side of Bond Street.
JANE
Dear William, I must warn you if Allan were on the other
side I should be tempted to cross the street.
TOWER
But, Jane, it is I who am proposing to you, not Allan.
FROBISHER
(Out of his befuddlement)
Jane, do you think it is dignified at your age jumping in
and out of marriage like this?
JANE
I don't really know, Allan. It seems when you've been
married more than once it gets easier.
190
JANE
TOWER
Jane, you simply must concentrate on my proposal!
MRS. TOWER
{Coming down from upstairs, sees them)
What is this? What is going on?
FROBISHER
He's proposing to Jane.
MRS. TOWER
What is he proposing?
FROBISHER
Marriage.
TOWER
{In fabricated anger)
Well, I would if I could get five minutes to myself!
MRS. TOWER
{Hysterical)
Marvelous! Perfect! Isn't it just like Jane — coming be-
tween husband and wife like this!
TOWER
Millicent's time-sense is defective.
MRS. TOWER
Not that I want you back, Willie, as you very well know.
191
JANE
TOWER
(Mock anger)
No man ever proposed under such unfavorable conditions.
Jane, where was I? What point had I reached?
FROBISHER
(Surly)
You were telling her how much character you had. I wish
to God, Willie, you'd go to Tibet.
TOWER
(With exaggerated romantic flamboyance)
Jane — dearest Jane — won't you come with me to my villa
in the South of France? There, with the Mediterranean at
your feet and the starry canopy of sky overhead . . .
MRS. TOWER
(Cutting in)
Sounds very reminiscent . . .
JANE
It's beautiful, William. But I'm going back to Liverpool.
TOWER
(Rises, picks up pillow)
I withdraw my offer.
MRS. TOWER
Thank goodness! (To jane) But what will you do with
your house in Belgrave Square?
192
JANE
JANE
I shall give it to some charity. What do you think, Allan?
A home for wayward girls?
TOWER
Admirable! Allan will fill it!
FROBISHER
(Suddenly galvanized into action)
Jane and I will fill it! We're going to live in it!
MRS. TOWER
Allan! What are you saying?
FROBISHER
(Ignores her; to jane)
You owe it to me. You've robbed me of my confidence.
You've got to give it back to me.
MRS. TOWER
If this is a joke, it's in very poor taste.
TOWER
It's not a joke, Millicent. Allan is in love — calf love.
MRS. TOWER
(Completely bewildered)
Allan in love with Jane? (To jane) What about those
habits? What will you do with those habits?
193
JANE
JANE
I shall domesticate them.
(tower, his object achieved, feels he can relax. He
lies down on the settee and covers his face with a
pillow. )
MRS. TOWER
(To JANE)
You're running such a risk. And for what?
JANE
For a very old-fashioned reason, Millie. I love Allan.
MRS. TOWER
Love! (She begins to laugh hysterically) Love! (She snaps
the pillow from tower's face) Did you hear that Willie —
love!
TOWER
(Sits up)
Yes, Millicent. Surely you've heard of love. It's been so
much written about!
MRS. TOWER
But it's impossible!
FROBISHER
(On his feet, militant)
Why is it impossible? What's wrong with me?
MRS. TOWER
I've never heard anything so grotesque, so fantastic, so
unbelievable!
194
JANE
FROBISHER
Why do you say that? Jane marrying me for love. . . .
Why is it unbelievable?
JANE
(Goes to ALLAN and stands beside him)
Perhaps, dear Allan, it is unbelievable because it is the
truth!
Allan, his confidence restored, takes jane's hand,
lifts it to his lips and kisses it as the curtain falls.
195
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